The woman who used a potato as a contraceptive.
So Columbia gave us Shakira, which means Columbia is a sexy and batshit crazy place. I know this not only because Shakira’s songs are straight up textbook examples of what mentally ill people might sing, but also because Columbia is a place where women see potatos not so much as a source of delicious carbohydrates as they do a choice in contraception.
According to Columbia Reports a 22 year old woman was rushed to hospital after complaining of abdominal pain last week and instead of discovering that she had a bad case of the shits brought on from listening to too much Shakira, she actually was told there was a potato up in her snatch which had grown roots and was starting to make itself a happy home.
When asked how da fuq a potato had made it’s way into her exquisite Columbian cooch, the woman admitted it wasn’t just a really-happy-to-see-her potato, but rather she shoved it up there as a contraceptive after some golden advice from her caring mother.
“My mom told me that if I didn’t want to get pregnant, I should put a potato up there, and I believed her.” the unnamed patient was quoted as saying by local news website HSB Noticias.
Mother’s truly DO know best. When mother tells you that you should marry a dude, DO IT! She’s probably right. When mother says to shove a potato up your vagina to stop you having bebes, DO IT, because potatoes! And if mother tells you to kill an entire hospital ward of people with a scalpel and then you wont go to prison because its okay to kill people in hospitals, DO IT! Because mother would not tell you a damn lie in your life!
My worry is not really for the 22 year old girl with a single potato up in her coochie, but for the mother. How many potatoes does she have up in there? If you ever wondered why KFC Fries are so soggy all the time, then wonder no more!
Incase you were wondering the girl didn’t die from a carb overdose, but the potato was safely removed without need for surgery (translation: someone put their hands in her snatch and pulled a potato out).
I guess this means if Rumer Willis finally gives up on acting/singing/modelling/whatevershedoes then she can fufill her true destiny as being a contraceptive offering for Columbian women.