Korea is a pretty great place that has given the world a lot of cool shit. Amongst that cool shit is a bunch of cultural iconography that white female pop singers can misappropriate. Lots of people around the world eat up Korean culture in the same way that Lindsay Lohan eats up every career opportunity she has and shits it back out again.
One such eater is a white Brazilian dude who used to be called Max but is now called Xiahn Nishi. Why the name change, you ask? Well that’s because Max woke up one morning and decided the next logical step on his day to day was not to take up golf, but it was to instead have 10 plastic surgeries so he could look Korean.
As you can see the surgery was a smash hit, if of course his original goal was to look like a terrifying acid attack victim from a Final Fantasy game.
Apparently he shopped around for surgeons to do the procedure after all of the sane plastic surgeons said “BITCH NO!” but I guess he eventually found a person in a Favela who’s tin-roof surgery doubled as an abortion clinic, because Max aborted his caucasian self and replaced it with his SCARY ASS ALIEN SELF.
Of course Max went into the clinic and told them he wanted to look Asian in the most racially sensitive possible way.
‘I put my fingers inside the eye and pulled. That was the way I wanted to have my eyes,’ he told Brazilian newspaper Zero Hora.
This bitch also alleges that he has had no surgery other than the 10 eye surgeries and the hyaluronic acid that he had injected into his eyes, but I guess his eyes arent working so great since all of the acid he had injected into them because they must be telling him these lies are ones that we cannot somehow see.
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
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Content written by Little Banyan Media 2014. Images property of their rightful owners.