ITV have revealed that person who still exists Christine Bleakley is set to provide maternity cover on This Morning for eternally pregnant Holly Willoughby as she continues to build an army of middle-class children. The move represents ITV’s renewed commitment to forcing people you probably don’t mind very much down your throat until you ultimately loathe them because THERE’S THEIR STUPID FACE ON THE SIDE OF A FUCKING BUS AGAIN. Christine was a notable sign for ITV back in 2010 when they poached her from the BBC for £4 Million. Since ITV had just undergone huge company-wide redundancies, her deal went down about as well as Kathy Griffin stand up in Syria. It quickly became apparent that Christine mightttt not have been the powerhouse ITV had hoped for when Daybreak was in hot competition in the ratings with Gems TV’s 1.30am Super Amethyst Sale Bonanza! So ITV did what any company would with the prospect of a horrifyingly expensive attempt at cockblocking without any research into the people behind it on their hands – they shoe-horned poor Christine into anything and everything they could find! Christine in Dancing on Ice! Christine in Text Santa! Christine in ITV’s Music Specials! Christine in You’ll all watch any old shit! Basically, Christine in everything you’d rather see Holly in, and everything poor bloody Kate Garraway wishes you’d rather see her in. ITV needs you to love Christine, and Christine needs you to love Christine, but Christine probably just needs bed more than that right now because jesus ITV, let the woman sleep. After Christine’s latest ITV venture was added to the growing evidence that viewers might not be connecting with her, ITV’s bigwigs naturally sat down and carefully re-evaluated their star’s brand. They looked closely at her audience, appeal and abilities and determined that whilst she’s quite lovely(and honestly, she is lovely), she lacks the accessibility so essential for ITV’s extremely broad...
So after Kayley Cuoco, Jim Parsons and Johnny Galecki walked up to CBS and grabbed their balls and squeezed and squeezed until they crapped out a giant pile of money, actors all over the world decided that they too were underpaid for emoting! Except because not TV industries are built by executives who douche with 24 carat gold enemas, things aren’t going so great. The 16 member cast of soap opera Generations in South Africa were on strike with their employers SABC because those bitches said they wanted more money and that SABC were being tighter than Lindsay Lohan when she’s asked to pay her hotel bills. Well, those bitches were right! Executive producer Mfundi Vundla (Sidenote: Master Villain’s name, amirite?) told the cast of Generations to bite him in the bagina because he pink-slipped each and every one of those bitches! The BBC reports The show’s 16 actors, watched nightly on state broadcaster SABC, were fired after resisting calls to return to work at studios in Johannesburg. The programme will continue to air until October, while producers have indicated new actors will be recruited. Mfundi Vundla said of the firing “There were other actors before, there will be other actors in the future,”he told Talk Radio 702. “Generations will go on, it doesn’t mean the demise of the series.” “We’ve been engaging with them since October last year,” said Mr Vundla, who added the cast had been asked to continue recording the show while negotiations continued but had not returned to work. “That’s it, it’s finished, it’s a termination,” he added. Mfundi is not Mfucking around or Mfunding any fancy actor salaries! He pointed out that the Generations cast have 12 of the top 15 paid actors in South Africa, but the cast of Generations pointed out that being “Top 15 Paid Actor” in South Africa...
So for those of you still watching, Revenge ended its third season last night in America. Was it as good as “It’s me, Jack. I’m Amanda!!!” ? Well yes actually, and probably better. Revenge not only has impressed in recent weeks by path-correcting a diabolical seven episode stretch, but in this finale it has now hit reset on the entire show’s concept as a whole. The episode not only changed everything you know about the show, but it also gave viewers the resolution we’ve all been after since the first episode of the show. This begs the question….what’s next? Suffice to say, epic levels of spoilers ahead.
Across UK this morning, tens of millions of viewers tuned in (but not really though) to sample ITV’s last chance saloon at getting Breakfast television right before they eventually start showing ten-hour omnibuses of Jeremy Kyle instead. Enter GOOD MORNING BRITAIN, Where ludicrously well paid BBC deserter Susanna Reid replaces ludicrously well paid BBC deserters Christine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles, and significantly less well paid Aled Jones and the under-rated Kate Garraway. Joining Susanna is two Sky News deserters – Charlotte Hawkins, for the teenage male quota, and Sean Fletcher because he’s a bloke who reads the sports, innit. And finally good old Ben Shepherd, because ITV realized they couldn’t have an entire panel made up of talent they nicked from other channels. The big revelation about all of this is that I did not actually hate it. I sort of quite liked it.
evenge, Season 3 to date has been consistently a step up from it’s all-over-the-map second season, but suddenly it looks like the clear mission to right the wrongs of it becoming a budget version of Batman is starting to slip off the rails. The entire episode kind of revolves around what Revenge is at its very weakest with – boring supporting characters. Any network drama seems to be littered with these stock waifs and handsome deadweights – actors with uninspired writing and even less inspiring delivery who appear to do nothing but prolong the shelf-life of our favourite shows by keeping the “good stuff” padded out across 22 episodes.
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