Tulisa’s new face is guilty. GUILTY!!!!
After narrowly escaping a prison sentence for allegedly brokering a drug deal, Tulisa Constantinople’s new sausage lips and exquisite McDonalds arches eyebrows showed up at yet another court today, this time though Mrs Potato Head was not quite so lucky and each of her lips had to absorb a £100 fine a pop for assault.
Tulisa and all of her new face parts were accused of assaulting a celebrity blogger (!) named Savvas Morgan which means that I am probably next and none of us haters are safe. Savvas’ account of his history with Tulisa paints the age old story of celebrity bloggers being composed, stable and genteel men who are definitely not lecherous and would never ever bury their face in an entire red velvet cake from the Hummingbird Bakery to drown the shallow hole that exists where their heart should be in delicious cream.
Anyway, the judge found Tulisa guilty of being rough as tits, and charged her a total of £3,020 according to the BBC which means that Tulisa has some sad nipples who are going to get wrinkly from the lack of botox this month.
Tulisa is also charged with murdering her nasolabial folds with filler. The trial for that is continuing indefinitely.