LA Deli has had a bit of a rough ride over the past few years. I like to call this dark period our “La Lohan Era”
As I’m sure all four of you know, I forgot to pay the bills for the domain name back in the day and, at the apex of our popularity (when there were eight of you), we lost our original home known as The Deli. It was immediately snapped up by a celebrity site wannabe and the death threats began rolling in. Okay the death threats didn’t roll in, but this dude was the All Saints to our Spice Girls. The Christina to our Britney. The Gayle to our Oprah.It was upsetting to see something I had barely worked at at all fall into the hands of a random guy who I imagine to be fat and wearing a sombrero in my head. Sure he could write better than me, but so could a toddler so that’s not even a big deal.
Fast forward five years and I am looking at olde time bloggersphere chums Michael K and Perez Hilton basically buying speedboats and working from their penthouse apartments whilst I’m thinking “BITCH, WHAT THE WHAT” as I rub together two ritz crackers to make a little shower of ritz sprinkles for my tongue to keep me from passing out for another day. Not passing out becomes surprisingly important when the lion sized rats in your apartment are hiding in the corner thinking “SOOON!”
Recently, I managed to claw back a .com domain name (though you can still access us as La-Deli.net and La-Deli.org). It’s part of my strategy to try and gently relaunch the site as something that you can rely on for a daily queef during your lunch hour once again. (By the way, Elaine from finance wants you to know she is well aware you are queefing during lunch and she doesn’t appreciate it. Elaine is such a bitch and really needs to mind her own fucking business, right?)
Unfortunately, as our original hosts are about as honest as a John Mayer love song – we also lost the original The Deli content from our wild Britney highs in 2004-2009, which is probably for the best because there are only so many poorly written posts I can re-upload before the internet breaks. I am still hunting for these nuggets of prose gold, but don’t hold your breath – the Pulitzer is safe for another year.
What is news, though, s that there will be some changes over the coming months to the site. Think of this as the new kid rolling into town and telling you “things are gonna be changin round here!” and then you punch him in the neck and tell him this isn’t an 80s sitcom.
The first item on the agenda for the site is to move us to our own paid platform again. We’ll be returning to using WordPress thanks to a drastic drop in how shitty it is, and will begin to pay a monthly bill to trial the sites standalone popularity. If we fail miserably, we will move back to tumblr, and i’ll weep into my empty pockets, but all you need to know is that either way, the same mediocre content will be available and it will be available both via la-deli.com and also via ladeli.tumblr.com.
This way, every ho wins.
Exciting times, so buckle up you tramps.
Do you have any suggestions for the site? Please dont say “shut it down” because I can only punch so many people in the neck in one day – and the 80s version of me has taken quite a beating already.
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
We cannot provide any warranty on the validity of what is posted.
Content written by Little Banyan Media 2014. Images property of their rightful owners.