Taylor Swift squints hard but can’t reach that Britney record.

Taylor Swift squints hard but can’t reach that Britney record.

Taylor Swift debuted at #1 on the Billboard 100 chart this week with “1989” shipping 1.287 Million copies, giving her the biggest selling week of her career, breaking the record as first female to have both two and three million-selling frames under her belt, giving her the biggest album opening week since 2002 and also making her the only 2014 release to sell over a million copies, not just in a week, but altogether. The last million selling album in a week was Swift’s own  “Red” in 2012.  The list of impressive achievements goes on and on.

The one record that Taylor didn’t swipe in the end was Britney’s now untouchable opening frame for “Oops, I Did it Again, Y’all!” which analysts got a little over-excited about this week when they declared that The Trailer Park Princess would finally be dethroned. It wasn’t to be.

But Britney’s 1.319 Million selling “Oops” debut accounted for only around 8% of album sales opening week, whilst Taylor accounted for 22% with “1989“, a reflection of how impressive the achievement is, how fucking obsessed everyone is with this fluffy kitten masquerading as a human female, and how Taylor Swift is going to become our dark overlord any day now.

NPR theorizes that Taylor Swift is selling so much because she’s not being a lazy bitch and she’s working harder than any other ho in the game right now.  Beyonce didn’t even bother promoting “BEYONCE”, Britney refuses to even do promo any more, and there’s only so many times you can see Rihanna pat her snatch before your yawning and turning the page. Sure, Katy Perry promotes a lot, but she’s Katy Perry so logic stands that everyone is immediately less likely to buy her CD if they see and hear her on tv.

The nearest selling 2014 release to Taylor is Coldplay who’ve sold just under 750,000 copies of “Ghost Stories” since May.



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