Hello Loyal Readers (Are there any of you left?) I wanted to write a little update since the last time we posted was way back in February of this year. For those of you who actually used to read the site on a regular basis – you might have noticed that a few months after I wrote a really fucking golden post about Rita Ora (???) and Gerard Butler (:/) we sort of stopped paying for hosting and LA-Deli appeared to vanish in a puff of smoke into the night as we’d done before with The-Deli.org. We haven’t exactly been cool to the people who’ve been followers and readers in that regard and for that, I’d like to apologize. The site was created during a time where there was a hunger for celebrity culture to be lampooned and satirized, and the writers involved actually found it fascinating enough to cover. But unfortunately as the years have worn on and we’ve found ourselves less and less motivated to write for the site, as busy lives intervene. There was a time when the site looked like it could become a huge, self-sustaining entity in it’s own right, but I had to make some tough choices at that juncture, and opted to put myself through school and pursue my career outside of writing smack talk about Jennifer Aniston’s weirdly shaped vagina (speculation). Jennifer Aniston’s Weirdly Shaped Vagina will always have a special place in my heart, and I actually do still enjoy writing weird shit on the internet as part of a hobby – but the craving for constant content that is required to survive in the new world of digital media is too intensive for me to be able to keep up with on a daily basis, and as such – I’ll be...
Any of those who were with us during the dark days of 2005 will remember that it was not just the appalling writing of Deli Llama that kept you coming back for more, it was also the terrible writing of Getluv now known as Deli Manager. Hopefully we can recruit a few Deli Servers and we’ll have a full sandwich bar. Getluv has a lot to get his head around, so please lets all give him a slow handclap on his return.
LA Deli has had a bit of a rough ride over the past few years. I like to call this dark period our “La Lohan Era” As I’m sure all four of you know, I forgot to pay the bills for the domain name back in the day and, at the apex of our popularity (when there were eight of you), we lost our original home known as The Deli. It was immediately snapped up by a celebrity site wannabe and the death threats began rolling in. Okay the death threats didn’t roll in, but this dude was the All Saints to our Spice Girls. The Christina to our Britney. The Gayle to our Oprah.It was upsetting to see something I had barely worked at at all fall into the hands of a random guy who I imagine to be fat and wearing a sombrero in my head. Sure he could write better than me, but so could a toddler so that’s not even a big deal. Fast forward five years and I am looking at olde time bloggersphere chums Michael K and Perez Hilton basically buying speedboats and working from their penthouse apartments whilst I’m thinking “BITCH, WHAT THE WHAT” as I rub together two ritz crackers to make a little shower of ritz sprinkles for my tongue to keep me from passing out for another day. Not passing out becomes surprisingly important when the lion sized rats in your apartment are hiding in the corner thinking “SOOON!” Recently, I managed to claw back a .com domain name (though you can still access us as La-Deli.net and La-Deli.org). It’s part of my strategy to try and gently relaunch the site as something that you can rely on for a daily queef during your lunch hour once again. (By the way, Elaine...
Real quick good news before rest because I’ve overdosed on working too hard just like Lindsay Lohan… I finally shelled out ten whole dollars so we can rehouse our tumblr at LA-DELI.ORG, our old home. Hurrah! Feels cosy, like Monique’s legs after a cold winter. Former glory, RESTORED. Please tell all your friends. Or i’ll punch you in the FUPA. Thanks, Readers!
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
We cannot provide any warranty on the validity of what is posted.
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