Tag Archives: selena gomez

So all of the famous women have their vaginas on the internet now.

Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Victoria Justice, Kate Upton, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, Farrah Abraham (No Surprises), Kayley Cuoco, Hayden Panettiere, Kelly Brook, Kate Bosworth, Kiki Dunst, MK Olsen, Kim Kardashian, Lea Michelle, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, Scarlett Johansson and about a ZILLION other female celebrities are all lying in their million thread count sheets in a cold sweat tonight, because the internet has seen their vajayjays. In an unprecedented hack of Apple’s iCloud service, (probably by one of those annoying hos with an Android phone) all of the above saw their NUDEZ stolen and posted to professional troll cave 4chan, because for some reason they were backup syncing their nude pictures to somewhere that WASN’T DIRECTLY ON THEIR OWN GOD-DAMNED PHONE. Apparently, or so I’m told by smart people , many of the pictures are “ghost” images from the sexting heaven of Snapchat which secretly save on your phone when you send it out. Or something. I have literally no idea how the iCloud service works (none) because when you get close to 30 you suddenly hit that tipping point of no longer giving a fuck about technology or top 40 music. As i understand it, you backup shit automatically if you don’t turn off a little slider on your fancy phone, so Apple is constantly being like “Hi how are you, just going to take a look into your phone and upload all of it’s contents to the internet now, thanks!” Which is definitely something I can see celebrities who are conscious of their privacy being interested in. The other theory is that the phones were hacked by a security weakness in the  “Find my Phone” tool which again, is super fucking confusing to me because I’m not smart or young. I’m pretty sure I am going to need someone to feed me microwave...
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Princess Buttercup of the Forest is really one of us.

Princess Buttercup of the Forest aka Taylor Swift has long been known for her extremely questionable taste in male genital touching partners because when your head is literally filled with Princess Sofia songs and Twilight books then you don’t really have much of a radar from when a peen is just looking for a poon to be its glove. So anyway, in between Taylor looking at every dark haired penis who tells her she’s really pretty as her knight in shining armour – she managed to find time to surprise us all. Taylor and he new BFF Selena Gomez are apparently no longer friends because she knows that Justin Bieber is a pimple on humanity’s arse crack that no matter how hard we try to burn off with salicylic acid we can’t purge.
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Being Justin Beiber’s neighbour is the worst thing.

Justin Beiber’s neighbours are the saddest, most upset millionaires this side of a BP oil spill, or so says TMZ  and anyone with ears. Apparently, not only as My Little Ken been terrorizing the world with such obscenities as every single fucking thing that he commits to itunes, but his neighbours are also past this bitch crying when his mother tells him it’s time for bed and he cant stay up to watch SNL. The Home Owner’s Association in Bieber’s Calabasas hood fired off a letter to its residents … addressing a certain unnamed “celebrity” neighbor who has been wreaking havoc on their streets. It’s clear the HOA is targeting the Biebs … “The storyline concerns one of our celebrity residents confronting another celebrity resident over alleged dangerous driving.” Apparently Justin’s neighbours aren’t totally aces with him driving expensive sportscars at breakneck speeds through their community at all hours and inviting people whos names have the word “Lil” in it around to eat rusks and get high on watching a mobile spin around to Barney songs. I’m really surprised to learn this news, as if I had $15 Million to blow on a house in Calabasas I’d definitely be banking on hearing a toddler trying hoodrat stuff. Those dewey rich hos probably would give 100 Justin Biebers for just one Latarian Milton instead.
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Internet will Collapse: Bieber and some chick split

I was going to start this article with “This generation’s Britney and Justin” but then I slapped myself and had a long hard think about life. I’m tired. I am so sorry to have failed you and myself as a person. Let’s move on. This generation’s Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Llyn Michaels known as Justin Bieber and That Hispanic Chick Who Dates Justin Bieber have reportedly split up after two years. The official word from their camps is that Bieber decided his ego had grown large enough to constitute a person and wanted to date it instead. He has already told his ego to lose ten pounds and to stop demanding so much of his limelight. That Hispanic Chick Who Dates Justin Bieber is going to have a real identity crisis now. Who will she become now she isn’t dating tiny tantrums? Allegedly, she’s an “actress and singer” and basically appears to be a shitty version of Demi Lovato in all avenues. Wow. I never thought i’d write that line. ABOVE: Not Selena Gomez Maybe That Hispanic Chick could get a job judging on a talent show as that seems to be the thing that people are doing these days. How about Austria’s Got Talent. I’m sure someone can spin her as the right girl to judge people clog dancing and playing the spoons. Maybe she could just take up playing the spoons actually. Then she’d be known as That Hispanic Girl Who Dated Justin Bieber, Now Plays the Spoons. Apparently she dropped the Beaver because he wouldn’t stop taking her to P!nk concerts and she was fed up having to split up brawls about who can build an Ikea shelving unit the fastest. Above: These girls. These girls can build the Ikea shelves the fastest. They win. Or maybe it’s...
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And now, he’s a bunch of pictures of famous people.

Apparently every year Vanity Fair’s Oscar Party has something they call a Photobooth but we call “A fucking softbox and keylight with a backdrop” Yes, as with all things celebrity, the only way Vanity Fair can convince famous people to do silly photobooth pictures is to ensure it has fancy lighting that makes people look pretty even when they are trying to not look pretty. Anyway, let’s take a look at some of the funnest and creepiest pictures from the past few years. After the jump…. Some D Listers being photobombed by Justin Beiber. I’m not sure why Justin Beiber is at an Oscar party, but sure, whatever. The cast of Revenge being fantastic Diddy having no friends Steven Tyler being disgusting Tia Carerre not having nailed the makeup Catherine O Hara making me sad George Hamilton showing what happens if you fly directly into the sun Kristen Wiig and Emma Stone not being naked enough Uncle Terry giving us serious fucking chills Some oscar winning hipsters. You know, they were almost going to give back their oscar after they remembered Crash won in 2005. Ginnifer Goodwin and her man friend being quite cute Two covergirls who obviously thought they were at a shoot True Blood sluts being fame sluts Suzanne Somers, I can’t even The most perfect gay couple you’ll never be Kristin Wiig and Maya Rudolph Robert Downey Jr wearing octopus glasses Justin Beiber grossing me the fuck out with Selena Gomez Apparently, black chicks stick together at Oscar Parties?   Emma Roberts kind of looking like Taylor from Real Housewives of Beverley Hills Martin Short making all of the best faces JAMIE OLIVER AND JOOLS! LITERALLY NO REASON FOR THEM TO BE AT THIS PARTY, BUT I FUCKING LOVE THEM Eli Roth having no friends, apart from...
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