Tag Archives: Rita Ora

Rob Kardashian is not here for this.

It absolutely pains me to do what I’m about to do. I am about to defend and say something nice about a Kardashian. A KARDASHIAN. This is Rob Kardashian. You might know him as the one that doesn’t sound like a baby prostitute, look like a Sasquatch or have permanent bitch face. Unfortunately for Rob he dated that she-devil Rita Whora  who’s song “I Will Never Let You Down” probably feels like a million daggers in Robs soft heart because she was hoing it around town, or something like that. After this time, as many people who have a shitty relationship breakup will tell you, he gained a fair bit of weight.  Not unusual. But the internet is having a field day calling Rob a fat fuck and telling him to step away from the McDonalds and being like “OMG LOL THE SHITTEST KARDASHIAN OF THEM ALL”. First and foremost, Rob is by far and wide the least shittest Kardashian. On a scale of how shit the Kardashians are its like 1. Kris 2. Kim 3. Kourtney 4. Kendall 5. Kyle 6. Bruce 7. Brody 8. Rob This is a scientific ranking based on my ears and tolerance for bullshit. Now we’ve established that, let’s break this shit down. Rob Kardashian has his girlfriend (allegedly) cheat on him with every trick in the music business to make her career a goer. This plays out publicly. In addition to his girlfriend being a she-skank, he has the trauma of having The Kardashians as his family. Like, shit, waking up to Kim’s voice alone is enough to make you wanna shove twinkies in your ears, mouth, nostrils and butthole just to make it stoppppp. On top of all that Rob has the pressure of his superficial as fuck family telling him to go to fat camp...
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Zefron’s abs have offended everyone. Except me.

So some shit called the MTV Movie Awards went down last night. The MTV Movie Awards are to Awards what Jamie-Lynn Spears is to country music(Read: Not taken seriously, no-one cares) – so It comes as no surprise that I didn’t even know that mess was on as I have much more important things to do, such as picking my belly button lint out. What I do know about it though is that Jennifer Lawrence didnt turn up, as I wasn’t flooded with new GIFs of her doing arm farts and falling over in some fancy dresses this morning. What I also know is that Zac Efron had his shirt ripped off by Rita Ora when he wont the illustrious and coveted title of Best Shirtless Performance (No, honestly) which worked out pretty well for Rita Ora since America still think she’s a denture fixing gel and getting Zac Efron shirtless immediately wins you like 50 life points. Zac came dressed in spray shade 43, Deep Mahogany – but is available to order in different shades. Images: JustJared/Getty A lot of ass-holes on the internet are taking that precious career defining moment away from Zefron by pointing out that if, for example, Emma Watson won “Best Bra Titty Show” for a movie and someone ripped HER shirt off to make her awkwardly parade around a stage half naked, that the world would be singing a different song, but don’t tell me that Zac’s specifically bronzed abs weren’t primed to make an appearance. JUST DON’T. Before you feel bad for Zefron having his man-dignity stolen away, do keep in mind that he didn’t exactly run off the stage in shame, was interviewed with his shirt open afterwards, and also has starred in no less than EVERY SINGLE MOVIE HE’S EVER BEEN...
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