Tag Archives: Rihanna

So all of the famous women have their vaginas on the internet now.

Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Victoria Justice, Kate Upton, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, Farrah Abraham (No Surprises), Kayley Cuoco, Hayden Panettiere, Kelly Brook, Kate Bosworth, Kiki Dunst, MK Olsen, Kim Kardashian, Lea Michelle, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, Scarlett Johansson and about a ZILLION other female celebrities are all lying in their million thread count sheets in a cold sweat tonight, because the internet has seen their vajayjays. In an unprecedented hack of Apple’s iCloud service, (probably by one of those annoying hos with an Android phone) all of the above saw their NUDEZ stolen and posted to professional troll cave 4chan, because for some reason they were backup syncing their nude pictures to somewhere that WASN’T DIRECTLY ON THEIR OWN GOD-DAMNED PHONE. Apparently, or so I’m told by smart people , many of the pictures are “ghost” images from the sexting heaven of Snapchat which secretly save on your phone when you send it out. Or something. I have literally no idea how the iCloud service works (none) because when you get close to 30 you suddenly hit that tipping point of no longer giving a fuck about technology or top 40 music. As i understand it, you backup shit automatically if you don’t turn off a little slider on your fancy phone, so Apple is constantly being like “Hi how are you, just going to take a look into your phone and upload all of it’s contents to the internet now, thanks!” Which is definitely something I can see celebrities who are conscious of their privacy being interested in. The other theory is that the phones were hacked by a security weakness in the  “Find my Phone” tool which again, is super fucking confusing to me because I’m not smart or young. I’m pretty sure I am going to need someone to feed me microwave...
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Jay-Zzz and Thiefonce are an arranged marriage says PageSix

If you are standing up, sit down. If you are sitting down, put down any hot beverages. If you are sleeping, wake up but ensure you are surrounded by the cushions of Lisa Rinna’s pillow lips because PageSix has some SHOCKING and SCANDALOUS new information about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s marriage that will almost certainly make you pass out, stop all current wars due to weeping and shaking soldiers and probably cease the production of all questionable lace-front weaves forever. PageSix (Six is the number of the DEVIL for this dark-sided smear story) claims that Beyonce and Jay-Z aren’t really the true life version of Belle and the Beast and that Solange isn’t really Mrs Potts.   PageSix say Bey and Jay are only together for mutual business and nothing more. The source claims that their romance started out all one-sided, with Jay-Z being obsessed with Beyonce but Beyonce being like “Why dis ugly dude keep calling me?”. Because Beyonce was raised in the House of Ruthless Ambition Dereon, the Knowles’ quickly recognized that Jay-Z would be mutually beneficial to Thiefonce’s career in swagger-jacking from artists and other celebrities. It was a master stroke of marketing: She gave him class, he gave her cred. Jay Z was infatuated with Beyoncé, says the source, but the bottom line was business; he knew he could do big things for her, and together they could be a juggernaut. For Beyoncé, however, it was a slower burn. According to an interview with the website Celebuzz, her uncle Larry Beyince said that initially his niece had no interest. “He was after her and she wasn’t,” Beyince said. “She told me she wasn’t too fond of him … I guess she wasn’t attracted to him.” The source goes on to say that Beyonce was only interested in Jay for his savvy business-mind, because...
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Here’s those pictures of Rihanna’s boobs and butt then

So remember when Rihanna was posing for the trashiest fucking photo-shoot you’ve ever seen?  One so pornographic and low-rent that you were somehow surprised that Rihanna would find it possible to stoop even lower after the soft-core porn release known as Pour It Up? Well now the moment you’ve been waiting for (ick) is here. The X-rated, 1990’s raver mess photo shoot pics have been released.  Turns out it was for some French magazine, because of course it’s a French magazine. The pictures are so classy and elegant that I am sure Kate Middleton is banging down the door of Lui magazine right now for her royal portrait. WARNING: Seriously Not Safe for Work images ahead.
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So here’s Rihanna with her knickers off then.

Did you wake up today and say “I really want to see pictures of a greasy shirtless dude taking pictures of Rihanna with her nipple falling out of her top and her naked arse stuck in the air like shes pushing out a big fart” ??? If so, then you likely tick a different box on official forms than I do. Nonetheless – I do appreciate Rihanna’s dedication to ho-tricking her way into public conciousness year after year before going on lazy tour after lazy tour and being really committed to not being able to sell a single album.  I sort of suspect that Rihanna did a deal with Rumpelstiltskin on Once Upon a Time and he gave her Umbrella, but because all magic has a caveat he told her she’d never sell an album or a tour ticket. Anyway, if you’d like to see those trick pictures then you’ll have to view them at TMZ where those ass-holes have enough money to pay the £1,000 per-fucking-picture fee to show a full series of 70 (£70k) worth of grody, grainy ass paparazzi pictures. I wont be paying that shit because its basic and its Rihanna. If it was Britney, i might pay for one. ONE. At reduced rate. The best part about this photo series is seeing Rihanna holding a black towel against her body after the shoot, as if somehow, she still has a shred of dignity to protect. There’s nothing more dignified than having just allowed a team of strange men  prod and preen your naked body as you stick your chulo up in the air to give your meatflaps a little sniff of that LA Breeze. I’d assume we can expect an acoustic album about social change from Rihanna in the coming months then.
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Chris Brown’s fists go walkabout into another female again!

Chris Brown’s fists are about to get signed to an ABC Comedy sitcom after he hilariously beat down yet another woman! Those fists, what will they do next? So wacky, so unpredictable! According to TMZ, Chris’s fists were a little tired from the vacation but it wasn’t long before they were back to their best when he shoved a dancer from the nightclub he was in to the floor so hard she’s now having to undergo a mandatory and very profitable lawsuit surgery as seen in the below not-at-all excessive image of her current state. Dancer Deanna Gines (or Double D as she’ll henceforth be known) has filed a police report and so now is also filing a TMZ report to make that money, and  lets be honest-  Double D is the new Tina Turner. If a man is going to beat you down, you better be behind him for the next ten years gently dragging the sacks of money you’ve made off of his dumb ass to remind him that the only person who pays from that fuckery is him! That’s where noted Triceratops Rihanna went wrong. Chris Brown’s rep, Nicole Perna, tells TMZ, “I’m unaware of the incident, as is Chris’ lawyer and his entire team.  He was in a great mood after Powerhouse.”  Perna adds, “None of this makes sense.” Translation: Oh fuck….. OH FUCK.
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Chris Brown continues to be just awful.

Chris Brown, already well known for his ability to bring dignity and class to any situation he enters, created another controversy on Twitter last night when he entered a flamewar with a disapproving female comedian before deleting his twitter account having written the line “Ask Rihanna if she mad?” It all started with Chris Brown admitting that he looks haggard as fuck for the ripe old age of 23 (WHICH HE DOES) to which Jenny Johnson replied….(BEWARE, FOLLOWING LANGUAGE NSFW) Jenny Johnson@JennyJohnsonHi5Follow I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person. RT @chrisbrown: I look old as fuck! I’m only 23…   Chris Brown@chrisbrownFollow @JennyJohnsonHi5: I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person. : take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE.R Jenny Johnson@JennyJohnsonHi5Follow It’s “HO” not “HOE” you ignorant fuck. RT @chrisbrown: take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE. Chris Brown@chrisbrownFollow @JennyJohnsonHi5: I should fart while ur giving me top. “Seize the day” #CarpeDiem Jenny Johnson@JennyJohnsonHi5Follow Your mom must be so proud of you. RT @chrisbrown:@JennyJohnsonHi5: I should fart while ur giving me top. Chris Brown@chrisbrownFollow @JennyJohnsonHi5 see.. I don’t even have to tell u what u already know. Thanks HO! #bushpig Jenny Johnson@JennyJohnsonHi5Follow mtv.com/news/articles/… #SuckIt RT @chrisbrown:@JennyJohnsonHi5 see.. I don’t even have to tell u what u already know. Thanks HO! #bushpig Chris Brown@chrisbrownFollow @JennyJohnsonHi5 mom says hello… She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina, ….#pinkeye Chris Brown@chrisbrownFollow Let me leave this bitch alone… It’s good to know my worth by listening to a bitch that is worthless! #iwin #bushpigswag Jenny Johnson@JennyJohnsonHi5Follow Okay. I’m done. All I got from that exchange with Chris Brown is that he wants to shit and fart on me. Jenny Johnson@JennyJohnsonHi5Follow I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible...
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