Tag Archives: Mariah Carey

Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off’ Music Video

Remember when Taylor Swift was still holding a guitar and trying to make you believe she’d just fallen out of a barn after telling her boyfriend she wasn’t ready yet? Well on her last album, Taylor did a little thing called  “Selling The Fuck Out!” and her label obviously liked the sound of eight million wallets falling open, cause  Taylor has another pop album coming out and she’s released a new single and video for that shit. Whatever country backwater town Taylor Swift once came from is now a distant cackle to her at a fancy industry event where, with this song, she’s effectively doing the following.
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MooMi must really be deaf from SoulCycle

Remember that rumour that Moomz went deaf from too much SoulCycle (she lost a lot of weight and then didn’t release any music – and if you know one thing about Mariah Carey it is that she will drop 30lbs for a music video and a music video ALONE) well if this video of Moomi on the Today show is anything to go by, that rumour was true and she’s still as deaf as that adorable deaf pug. Except that adorable deaf pug can now sing better than Mariah Carey. She sounds like she’s channelling the crack voice of Whitney Houston here, which would be an accurate parallel for vocal degradation.  Mariah cares so much about nailing this track (but not really) that she forgets the words at 1.55 and makes up the line “I don’t know the words to my own song and I don’t care.”  and she stops mid-song to direct a cameraman to “get a good angle”. (Side shot of team of 100 bringing in Mariah’s specially designed Kino Flos) Moomz then goes on to start opening her mouth and acting like notes were coming out, but they weren’t (2:38). Turns out those notes were the high notes she can no longer hit that were digitally added by NBC when it went live because Moomz didn’t want a repeat disaster of her last year’s  GMA caterwauling. I don’t know why this delusional butterfly empress keeps going into the studio and hitting “RECORD” on the dolphin register if she knows she can’t hit those notes anymore. Bitch needs to know no-one really likes hearing her sounding like a sea mammal in distress anyway. In addition to being deluded about her voice,  the Mariah Carey that was on that Today Show stage was giving shades of HARPO, WHO DIS WOMAN? at the “I AM. MARIAH. THE...
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Scarlett Johansson’s Captain America Poster

Scarlett Johansson in the new poster for the Captain America sequel proving that yes, Mariah Carey’s airbrush artists are occasionally allowed out of the sweatshop to undertake freelance projects, and that the only thing to distract people from the controversy of money grabbing is the controversy of unrealistic self-image propagation through photo manipulation
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Read: Mariah Carey is the QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS

Kelly Clarkson is getting a little hopped up right now , what with her Christmas album selling more copies than Brit Brit’s new cd in it’s sixth week, and so the Butterfly Empress of Christmas herself flew down from her spanx bound castle up in the winter sky on a unicorn to grace Tamron from The Today Show with her heavenly yuletide presence. NBC and a crew of about 40 lighting engineers rocked up to Mimi’s palace to promote….ehrm….I dont know, Mimi – at Christmas?  Mimi talked about how she’s constantly been downplaying her injury to her arm like the humble angel she is. Mariah then went on to talk over Tamron throughout the entire interview and almost fall out of her negligee. Yes, that’s right, Mariah made NBC come to her house, and emerged in full makeup, and her negligee….. The best part of Mimi was that she was in her “special room” which is a room where her awards have been strategically placed for film crews to capture whenever they visit.  When Tamron valiantly tried to give the interview some relevant context by referring to “All I Want For Christmas (Is Mimi’s Annual Royalites)” Mimi, always on point, was quick to note “I have other songs, but whatever, whatever” before interrupting again to draw attention to her negligee. Mariah even had a “re-positioning video” at the ready, where such images as Mariah hugging Babs Streisand, and pan zooms of her toilet were used to allow her to gracefully segue between stations without her bad side ever showing, or NBC getting an eyeful of tit. Alas, not one to disappoint, Mariah then almost immediately ensured one of her tits would be front and center from her robe, and gave a small statuesque pose next to the tree, apologizing demurely for her...
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It is the season to not be hungry, or so it goes for Moomi as she heads out  ONCE AGAIN to the beautiful Aspen slopes in order to gift us the Festive Moments gift of her papped in a variety of snow-themed outfits whilst she spends approximately 0.00 hours on the actual slopes. The entire purpose of Moomz heading to Aspen is so she can talk about “festive moments” on HSN but also apparently to transport us back to the demure times of the 1980s when crimped perms and, uhm, checkerboard dresses with…corset belts?!? were totally in!? I dont know what the hell is happening here but what i DO know is that a Butterfly Maester named Gi’ca-Cachoo definitely had a lot to do with it. And yes, he is only summoned by drugs or insanity.
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Nicki Minaj and Mimi will make American Idol watchable.

Remember when Mariah Carey signed up to American Idol and hit the roof when her former collaborator Whatever A Nicki Minaj Is was also signed to the table? Remember how you thought “Probably, but there is no substantial evidence to support this story which is right up there with PPI claims in a list of things I give a fuck about” Well care not no more, because Mimi and Minajare doing a service to science and proving that you can’t mix Butterfly farts with the vapours of Peroxide and Silicone! Unfortunately your browser does not support IFrames. During auditions for American Snoredol Season 93 Jennifer Lopez texted The Creature Known As Nicki Minaj to say that Mimi has been telling everyone that her ass looks like a Khloe Kardashian stuffed into an ankle sock. Not really, but whatever went down set Nicki off to the moon and back. Nicki’s helium pornstar voice delivered such gems as “Off with your head” and called Mooms “Your fucking highness” before also deeming her “boring as fuck” in a rant which had Mimi calling her a 3 year old baby.  Sure Mimi is mother superior now she’s been lounging on the HSN for a while, and whilst there’s no doubt that Moomz is giving Nicki the side eye like she’s a virgin lettuce salad or a piece of steamed tofu, Moomz walks away with 1-0 on this one. This fight is kind of like a girlfriend on a period going off on her boyfriend for flirting with the waitress while he has two single fucks to give. Nicki is probably sore in the crotch that she’s cashing in $10 Million less than Moomz for sitting on her cottage cheese ass and telling people they can’t sing whilst she herself is about as much of a singer as...
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