Because celebrities have publicists who work day and night to make them seem ultimately like holy beings, if you hear that a celebrity branded “A bit of a schlaggggg really” then you have to really ask yourself how many people they are banging to get that reputation. With that said and on a totally unrelated note, Rita Ora and Gerard Butler are reportedly bumping uglies according to UsWeekly. Rita is best known for being the reason that Rob Kardashian tripled in size because she allegedly banged a bunch of guys without a condom behind his back. Rita is also a singer. Gerard is best known for trying to finger Jennifer Aniston in the ass that one time. Gerard is also an actor. To say that both Rita Ora and Gerard Butler would fuck anything that walks is absolutely slanderous and not at all in line with the editorial standards (HA!) of this website, as well as being patently untrue. It makes 10000000% perfect sense that these two absolutely virginal saints would come together and be so overcome by first-time lust for one another that they threw off their chastity belts, apologized to God for their unholy sin and spent the evening violating themselves by watching Countdown in their hotel room together from opposite sides of the room. Rita Ora is effectively the modern day Virgin Mary and Gerard Butler is her Joseph, and they probably spent time talking about religion together before having a cup of hot chocolate and lying down for a nice nap. The implications that UsWeekly are making are dark-sided and ungodly.
Jimmy Kimmel must have slipped Papa Spears some extra shit hot emmental this month because Papa Spears actually allowed Brit Brit to hold an actual real telephone and use it to read something on the internet about herself that wasn’t “Britney Spears is the most talented dancer of all time.” or “Britney Spears in Vegas is absolutely SLAYING at arm movements”. Nope. Brit Brit joined the MEAN TWEETS crowd on Jimmy Kimmel dressed like a reject from Lost in Space to show a quick second of humanity and realization that Brit Brit might not be the 100% most relevant superstar on the planet any more. Also of note is Gwyneth Paltrow looking annoyed and upset because people called her a ugly ass big bird lookin bitch. Chloe Moretz also showed up looking like a giant Scottish doilie.
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
We cannot provide any warranty on the validity of what is posted.
Content written by Little Banyan Media 2014. Images property of their rightful owners.