Tag Archives: Farrah Abraham

So all of the famous women have their vaginas on the internet now.

Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Victoria Justice, Kate Upton, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, Farrah Abraham (No Surprises), Kayley Cuoco, Hayden Panettiere, Kelly Brook, Kate Bosworth, Kiki Dunst, MK Olsen, Kim Kardashian, Lea Michelle, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, Scarlett Johansson and about a ZILLION other female celebrities are all lying in their million thread count sheets in a cold sweat tonight, because the internet has seen their vajayjays. In an unprecedented hack of Apple’s iCloud service, (probably by one of those annoying hos with an Android phone) all of the above saw their NUDEZ stolen and posted to professional troll cave 4chan, because for some reason they were backup syncing their nude pictures to somewhere that WASN’T DIRECTLY ON THEIR OWN GOD-DAMNED PHONE. Apparently, or so I’m told by smart people , many of the pictures are “ghost” images from the sexting heaven of Snapchat which secretly save on your phone when you send it out. Or something. I have literally no idea how the iCloud service works (none) because when you get close to 30 you suddenly hit that tipping point of no longer giving a fuck about technology or top 40 music. As i understand it, you backup shit automatically if you don’t turn off a little slider on your fancy phone, so Apple is constantly being like “Hi how are you, just going to take a look into your phone and upload all of it’s contents to the internet now, thanks!” Which is definitely something I can see celebrities who are conscious of their privacy being interested in. The other theory is that the phones were hacked by a security weakness in the  “Find my Phone” tool which again, is super fucking confusing to me because I’m not smart or young. I’m pretty sure I am going to need someone to feed me microwave...
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Backdoor Farrah is exactly like Jennifer Aniston

International recording superstar Farrah Abraham is no stranger to challenging herself when it comes to putting down super-slick vocals on pop superhits like this one, but did you know that Farrah is also a master of investigating the human condition? Well now you do. Farrah has recently been spotted stripping in an Austin strip club, where the staff informed E News! that Farrah was originally there as a cocktail waitress, but requested to become one of the strippers. When Farrah did anal sex porn, it was because she was a tortured artist who wanted to explore her sexuality in a way that was healthy for her. IE Up the shitter. Now that Farrah is stripping, you should know that it is for research for her art and Farrah is not unlike her fellow thespian Jennifer Aniston in that regard. From E! News: “I’m doing research…A friend of mine works there and I’m researching. I’ve been trying out all the roles that make up a gentleman’s club, including cocktailing and dancing. There’s management and there’s cooking too. It’s job shadowing that I hope pays off. In the same way Jennifer Aniston researched her role as a stripper, that’s what I’m doing. It’s how I get the information to write my books and do my movies. Unfortunately, I’m not free to talk about what those future projects may be. But I’m interested in hearing all the women’s stories. And while I’m doing it, I’m getting paid. I’m getting paid to play a role and get informed.” I mean, with books like Passy Perfume which Farrah co-wrote with her two year-old, there really must be a lot of research required that definitely needs to take her to strip clubs. Because Farrah is a master of mystique and never dropping the veil of distance  between her and her public, we will never...
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Backdoor Farrah is back to challenge Heidi Montag’s musical reign.

Backdoor Farah aka Farrah Abraham has been keeping the world on tenterhooks as a single paid manager hoardes of fans burn up the message boards with speculation of what her next single will sound like. Her first two songs were widely praised,  were praised,  were released  as part of her album which WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK no surprises The Guardian called one of it’s best albums of 2013 so obviously the fans were wild with anticipation of Backdoor Farrah’s new musical direction. Since Farrah cares about her fans she’s kept to her same brand of mis-timed autotuned vocals as a statement on pop culture that GAGA could NEVER. “BLOWIN” isn’t just a statement about what Farrah does on the weekends, but it’s also a statement on how hard it is to be so famous as successful, which are two of the first things you might think of when the name “Backdoor Farrah” comes into your head. Heidi Montag, reigning queen of pop, must be deeply concerned by this mindblowing and epic release in which Farrah keeps it raw and real with lyrics such as Im blowin (I’m blowin) All these bullies away (REPEAT!) Celebrity -Celebrity –Celebrity Celebrity -Celebrity -Celebrity Being yourself is makin you famous Farrah is truly an introspective and deeply multi-layered songwriter. Somewhere in the countryside in France Joni Mitchell just threw her pen down, grabbed a bottle of wine and said “Done. Can’t be topped” Take a listen above or click here if the video isn’t displaying.
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