Tag Archives: Drama

Charlize Theron is a bitch according to Tia Mowry and everyone.

You may have heard that working with Nicole Kidman is kind of like working with a big block of ice and that working with Jennifer Lopez is as much fun as sawing your dick off with a rusty knife, but did you know that Charlize Theron also has an impressive repertoire of rumours about her being a giant raging asshole? Well reputable source for anyone born in the 80s known as Tia Mowry from Sister Sister mentioned that when she was at the Hollywood concentration camp known as SoulCycle a few weeks ago she said “Hi” to Charlize and Charlize basically showed everyone why there was no other choice in the casting process for the evil queen in Snow White and the Hunt for KStew’s Acting Abilities. Tia said that Charlize served her a mocha frappe of ice cold cunt. Apparently, Charlize took one look at her, obviously forgot that Tia Mowry is a LEGEND and rolled her eyes groaning “Oh GOD” to her best friend and personal confidante  InTouch Weekly. Since then, Charlize naturally took the news well, and spent some time reflecting over how she can be a better person in a buddhist retreat for a few weeks. Except of course that didn’t happen. Charlize instead went to the managers of SoulCycle and pulled some “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM????” shit. Charlize demanded the managers bump Tia out of SoulCycle and they were for none of it. “Charlize came in so pissed off after Tia went to the tabloids about her, and she demanded we bar Tia from ever coming back,” a SoulCycle insider revealed. When the manager refused, Charlize just got angrier and said she’d go to the top to make it happen.” The source claims the Oscar winner also said, “This nobody who was famous for a...
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Jay-Zzz and Thiefonce are an arranged marriage says PageSix

If you are standing up, sit down. If you are sitting down, put down any hot beverages. If you are sleeping, wake up but ensure you are surrounded by the cushions of Lisa Rinna’s pillow lips because PageSix has some SHOCKING and SCANDALOUS new information about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s marriage that will almost certainly make you pass out, stop all current wars due to weeping and shaking soldiers and probably cease the production of all questionable lace-front weaves forever. PageSix (Six is the number of the DEVIL for this dark-sided smear story) claims that Beyonce and Jay-Z aren’t really the true life version of Belle and the Beast and that Solange isn’t really Mrs Potts.   PageSix say Bey and Jay are only together for mutual business and nothing more. The source claims that their romance started out all one-sided, with Jay-Z being obsessed with Beyonce but Beyonce being like “Why dis ugly dude keep calling me?”. Because Beyonce was raised in the House of Ruthless Ambition Dereon, the Knowles’ quickly recognized that Jay-Z would be mutually beneficial to Thiefonce’s career in swagger-jacking from artists and other celebrities. It was a master stroke of marketing: She gave him class, he gave her cred. Jay Z was infatuated with Beyoncé, says the source, but the bottom line was business; he knew he could do big things for her, and together they could be a juggernaut. For Beyoncé, however, it was a slower burn. According to an interview with the website Celebuzz, her uncle Larry Beyince said that initially his niece had no interest. “He was after her and she wasn’t,” Beyince said. “She told me she wasn’t too fond of him … I guess she wasn’t attracted to him.” The source goes on to say that Beyonce was only interested in Jay for his savvy business-mind, because...
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Tulisa’s new face is guilty. GUILTY!!!!

After narrowly escaping a prison sentence for allegedly brokering a drug deal, Tulisa Constantinople’s new sausage lips and exquisite McDonalds arches eyebrows showed up at yet another court today, this time though Mrs Potato Head was not quite so lucky and each of her lips had to absorb a £100 fine a pop for assault. Tulisa and all of her new face parts were accused of assaulting a celebrity blogger (!) named Savvas Morgan which means that I am probably next and none of us haters are safe. Savvas’ account of his history with Tulisa paints the age old story of celebrity bloggers being composed, stable and genteel men who are definitely not lecherous and would never ever bury their face in an entire red velvet cake from the Hummingbird Bakery to drown the shallow hole that exists where their heart should be in delicious cream. Aherm. Anyway, the judge found Tulisa guilty of being rough as tits, and charged her a total of £3,020 according to the BBC which means that Tulisa has some sad nipples who are going to get wrinkly from the lack of botox this month. Tulisa is also charged with murdering her nasolabial folds with filler. The trial for that is continuing indefinitely.
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Solange Knowles attacks Jay-Z in front of Beyonce.

If you’re wondering why the look on Jay-Z’s face in the picture above is familiar, it’s because that’s the look you have on your face when you have a demon unleashed on your ass and you are truly whipped. I guess Beyonce has cut Solange’s allowance, because at the fancy Met Gala event where Solange was allowed out to play she struck back at her benefactors by slicing Jay Z in the ALL OVER with fist bumps to the face, heel pumps to the crotch and general Not-Having-It-McDonalds style fighting. This video shows Solange, Beyonce and Jay-Z shimming on into the elevator at the Met Gala where Solange, with immediate effect, starts literally raining down a pocketful of Chris Brown on Jay-Z whilst Beyonce stands by as if shit isn’t even happening. The worst thing is this shit goes on and on. It doesn’t stop. Solange is one fierce bitch and she is not interested in Jay’s bodyguard trying to subdue her, which is probably a good thing because Beyonce sure as shit makes roughly zero attempt to stop the fight. I swear Beyonce might as well have popped out her phone and sent a tweet about how she was loving the Met Gala. There’s always been loads of rumours about how Beyonce’s ‘Second Coming of Oprah’ life is not really anything like that at all, that she is a huge bitch and how she stands by and watches whilst bitches in her life fight all around her. There’s also been rumour after rumour that Jay-Z is sticking his peen in other poons. That shit would not surprise me, because the uggos in life get all the play if they have money and power. Still, Solange should know that Chris Browning is NEVER the answer. Even if your sister’s husband...
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Nicole Scherzinger got fired because of Cheryl Cole

Simon Cowell has admitted that he fired Nicole Scherzinger from this year’s X-Factor UK because he was pretty sure that there’d be a clash of the Ego titans between Nicole and Cheryl Cole. Speaking to the apex of modern journalism known as The Sun, Simon said that he “Didn’t think the two of them would work well together.” TRANSLATION: “I had a vision of the future in which Nicole was having a raging meltdown in her dressing room because Cheryl was wearing yellow and ONLY SHE WANTED TO WEAR YELLOW THIS WEEK and so I thought”Fuck this shit” and handed Nicole her pinkslip and put her on the 84 bus so she could catch her connecting flight back to irrelevance.” Simon had previously admitted that Cheryl only returned on the basis that she would have a say on who would be on the panel. Since Cheryl has been doing a great deal of sweet fuck all lately, it’s pretty impressive that she leveraged this kind of power – all of X-Factors 15 remaining viewers will be really excited to learn which basic bitch will be joining Cheryl on the panel. Both Cheryl and Nicole are known for their sub-par musical releases and their shampoo adverts, so maybe ITV were just stressed out that they’d spend every episode moaning orgasmically and telling girls that they’re werth it tew. All i can say is that what this season of X-Factor really needs to save it’s ailing ass is DRUNK PAULA!  
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Blake Shelton, you in danger gurl.

Okay so here’s what I know about Blake Shelton. He’s married to Miranda Lambert, the supremely talented goddess of country, y’all. He judges on The Voice. But then again so does 3/4 of the entertainment business right now. He sings country songs. I have never heard one of his songs. He is in serious danger and his life is in jeopardy. When I say something dramatic like 4. I am not kidding you guys. Blake Shelton decided to put the “cunt” in “Cuntry” at this years Academy Country Music Awards or as I like to call them, Taylor Swift, Lady Antebellum and a shit tonne of Moonshine. Whilst Blake was hosting the event he decided to praise all the great “live” (read: heavily track assisted) performances that people would see during the event staged in the pinnacle of high elegance and sophistication in, er, Vegas. What happened next I can only assume was down to a head injury or temporary mental instability as Blake didn’t see his life flashing before his eyes when he said “If you don’t like live music, then you need to go down the block and see Britney Spears.“ There are a couple of things that one should be afraid of in this world. Tsunamis. Giant hairy fuckin spiders. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s vagazzled growler. But the most terrifying force of all is undoubtedly the Britney Spears fanbase. I can guarantee without a shadow of a doubt that meltdown after meltdown is occurring in front of computers across the land. A swirling berry storm is brewing in a giant frappucino somewhere, and in  the eye of that extra caramel hold the soy and berry storm there are thousands of glittering gays who don’t listen to what anyone says because Brit Brit taught them that listening is over-rated...
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