Tag Archives: Drama

Jennifer Aniston says we need to GET OVER IT.

Jennifer Aniston is really busy right now you guys.   She took a break from her hectic schedule of not winning awards and not being nominated for awards to tell her embryonic mother known as the media that she’s totally 100% not mad at Angelina Jolie. As they had to sit in the same giant ass room a few nights ago to clap slowly at all the awards they didn’t win, the media basically treated it measured and proportionately (read: as a bigger deal than the fall of the Berlin Wall) and I guess Jennifer must have woke up to a call from her therapist asking how that made her feeeeeel because she turned her incredible personal and private diary known as Entertainment Tonight to address the situation. “It’s just tiresome and old, It’s like an old leather shoe. Let’s buy a new pair of shiny shoes. I think that’s slowly coming to an end. I really do,” Aniston said. “I mean, that movie is so beautiful and wonderful and she did such a gorgeous job. I think that it’s time people stop with that petty BS and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.” Uhm, is Jennifer Aniston trying to call Angelina Jolie an old leather shoe? FEUD ALERT!!! Seriously though, does Jennifer Aniston 100% fully understand what she’s asking for here? Like, without the fact that Angelina Jolie stole her man to drop out there every few months, how the fuck is girlfriend going to rile up enough public sympathy to convince people to see any of her shitty movies? Does she understand that if she doesn’t continue to hate Angelina Jolie that the world will spin wildly off its axis, leaving us to die a horrible, painful death as was foretold in the prophecy? And  does she fully...
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Cheryl Fernando-Chiquitita thinks Nuhdeen Coyle is full of shit.

Incase you haven’t heard, Cheryl Fernando-Chiquitita has recently set a new record as the British female with the most British #1 singles. In a terrifying harbinger signaling the assured end of our species, Cheryl has managed to accumulate 5 solo number ones in her career. This is especially concerning given her music must be produced by a drunk, irritated 8 year old with a particularly harmful and destructive personality. I mean Cheryl Fernando-Chiquitita has the worst fucking songs, and yet the British public will buy them because -just incase you forget to – here she is every weekend for eighteen million hours on ITV. Naturally, since she has music to pimp out to very young girls and very unfortunate gays, Cheryl has been talking up her new album and single to any piece of paper that will listen, but as talking about Ashley Cole to sell shit is getting old hat,  girlfriend decided to bring the spicy hate to an interview. Attitude magazine decided to ask Cheryl how she felt about that one time that gangly Irish streak of blah Nadine Coyle said that NUDHEEN was the ONLY  ho who didn’t want Girls Aloud to split. Upon being asked, Cheryl turned to the half- pea she was eating, gently placed it back on it’s plate, and proceeded to rip Nuhdeen a new hole so vigorously that Nicola Roberts ended up mistaking it for a vintage hipster wardrobe and climbed inside. “She’s full of shit. What d’you want us to say? She’s full of shit. She was the one who wanted to make a solo record. Which is why we took the hiatus…She wants to come out and say we broke the band up? No! She shouldn’t tell porkie pies. She should remember why we took the hiatus after seven years so she could go and… Okay, so do you want us to tell...
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Dr Luke countersues Ke$ha and says she’s lying.

Where’s a Jennifer Lawrence nude when you need one? Sigh. Dr Luke has gone public hours after Ke$ha hit the “nuke” button on his career with accusations of sexual, physical and mental assault. In a shocking move to absolutely no-one, Dr.Luke denies that he’s a sleazy, controlling scumbag. Dr Luke’s lawyer friend who isn’t Amal Clooney (the fact that other lawyers even exist on earth right now might be a challenge to believe, so lets hold hands and get through this together) said that Ke$ha is being a real Ke$hit, and that she and her mother have both admitted that they are lying and extorting Dr.Luke in  “a campaign of publishing outrageous and untrue statements”. Except Dr Luke’s lawyer team did not say if they had proof they they’d admitted to making it all up. They also claimed that Ke$ha’s hot trailer park mom Pebe has been engineering a boatload of libelous lies with her new management firm in order to extort Dr.Luke to free her from her contract with him. He told TMZ that Ke$ha said she’d tell lies about him to a blogger who created a “Free Ke$ha” campaign unless he let her go, and has a copy of her original lawsuit she said she’d file against him unless he let her go. You know, going public to say that your artist was trying to extort you in order to get the fuck away from you probably isn’t the most convincing argument for a counter-suit. Anyway, Ke$ha’s lawyers were clearly refreshing their gmail inbox for a TMZ email because those ho’s immediately launched their counter-response. They said “This is just another pathetic and entirely predictable example of Dr. Luke’s continued abuse, and a misguided attempt to keep Kesha under his tyrannical control. This lawsuit has absolutely no basis in fact, the law or reality. Kesha is...
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Ke$ha is suing Dr Luke for sexual assault and some other nasty shit.

When Ke$ha went into rehab for an eating disorder around the time she scored a billboard and worldwide #1 hit, everyone knew shit must have been serious. After she came back out Ke$ha has taken on the position of role model for girls who have struggled with body image with aplomb, writing a number of insightful articles about her condition and the way the the music industry made her feel even less worthy. Around that time a lot of shade was thrown the way of her mentor and manager Dr Luke who it was claimed made her feel like a big fatty fat fat. Dr Luke denied that shit at the time, but now Ke$ha is going for his jugular by suing his ass for Ike Turnering her. She’s accusing him of not only verbal abuse, but sexual and mental abuse during her time working with him. TMZ reports that Kesha was Forced to snort “something” before getting on a plane, at which stage Dr Luke forced his disgusting ass on her whilst she was high. Forced to drink with Dr. Luke, whom gave her what he called “sober pills”. Ke$ha said she then woke up the next afternoon naked in Dr.Luke’s bed feeling sore, sick and having zero fucking idea how she got there. Physically assaulted by Dr Luke. One time he attacked her in Malibu where she escaped and ran barefoot into the mountains to hide. Ke$ha said the abuse lead to her eating disorder, and added that Dr.Luke said “You are not that pretty, you are not that talented, you are just lucky to have me.” and as formerly stated called her a “fat fucking refrigerator” Who fucking knew Ke$ha was in a real life version of “Misery”?  I always knew Dr.Luke was a shady fuck because that dude...
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Rita Whora and Kim Kardashicant were forced to be near each other

The backwards version of Madonna’s accent that is Rita Ora and the backwards version of a decent human-being that is Kim Kardashian have had a long and boring history of hating each others asses.  Seriously, these irrelevant trolls have had way too much action from my typing fingers the past few weeks. I honestly couldn’t give a donkeys tit about them, but something tells me I’m alone in that. Anyway shit hasn’t been so hot between Kim and Rita since that one time that Rita sort of  cheated on Kim’s brother with every dick in showbiz. Kim isn’t happy that Rita not only cheated on her brother (Allllegdly), but, in reality, also made Kim’s slut game look laxxxxxx. Things came to a head last week when Rita was meant to sit next to Kim at the MTV VMA’s. When Kim arrived, she told producers that it was nice and only natural of them to think of her when setting up publicity stunts, but that she’d really rather be sitting with the other talentless fame-seeking whores at the back than with the talented fame-seeking whore that is Rita Ora. So MTV obliged and put Kim with her sisters.   Now TMZ reports that Rita and Kim miraculously ended up on the same flight out of LA. IMAGINE THAT. The article goes on to suggest that both ladies would likely have been seated in first class…together.   Well first and foremost I think it’s ambitious to say that Rita Ora is anywhere above business class at this stage. She’s not even top 20 right now?! I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to finally be allowed into first class to see Kim Kardashian’s disgusting ass sitting there whilst she whined in that baby prostitute voice that the champagne was too Italian. Secondly, I...
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Calvin Harris isn’t here for Rita Ora.

The Lidl version of Rihanna (who in herself is at best an ASDA version of Beyonce) known as Rita Ora has recently been mouthing off about how upset she was that her ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris stopped her from performing the song he wrote and produced for her. Rita was due to perform “I Will Never Let you Down” at the esteemed event for all huge iconic music moments known as the Teen Choice Awards this year, but instead she sung “I Will Definitely Actually Be Letting You Down” to herself in her seat and didn’t perform shit as she watched Ariana Grande’s bobblehead jiggle around the stage. According to Rita,  Calvin said “No thanks”  to the producers when they asked for his approval to have the song performed. “I was supposed to perform, and for anyone that doesn’t understand how it works, he wrote and produced the song — I mean, he’s an incredible songwriter, never going to disregard his talents, he’s incredible,” Rita said. “So [Harris] has to approve anything TV-wise, for anybody that doesn’t get it…so he has to approve the rights to [use the song] and he didn’t approve the Teen Choice Awards.” Of course, when asked if she was upset Rita admitted that she was upset not for her billboard positions, but rather for her ‘fans’. “Yeah, I’m not gong to lie, but not for my own selfish reasons, but for my fans…Because the show was going to be awesome…[but] everything happens for a reason, that’s how I look at it.” Calvin didn’t heed the warnings of Rob Kardashian (!) who told everyone that  Rita Ora has a vagina that accepts all potential platinum records as payment for bare-peen entry, and so decided to hit it with Rita for a while. I guess Calvin is kind of one of those “If everyone else is doing it” sort of...
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