Tag Archives: Divorce

Tom Cruises search for a new wife was a shock, say TMZ

According to TMZ, Tom Cruise’s launch of Beard Idol to find his new fembot was a last minute scramble for his agents, because he had no fucking idea that Katie would file for divorce, and she’s going in for Suri in sole custody rights. From TMZ.COM  Katie Holmes is the one who filed for divorce and Tom Cruise was “blindsided” by Katie’s legal move … Katie filed the divorce docs in New York on June 28, citing “irreconcilable differences.”  She is asking for sole legal custody and “primary residential custody” of the couple’s 6-year-old daughter, Suri. We also know Katie is asking for a “suitable amount” of child support ..and asks for a division of property in her divorce docs, although we know there was a significant prenup that is based on California law.  Katie makes no mention of the prenup in her filing. We’re told Tom is“very sad” and “did not see this coming.”  We’re also told there is some “nastiness” here, evidenced by Katie’s move to get sole legal custody. Tom’s rep has released a statement saying, “Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children.  Please allow them their privacy to work this out.” Katie will definitely get custody of Suri because her microchip contains about 1000 layers of REVEALING and Tom does not want that situation to occur, but Tom is going to be super fucking pissed and Katie will probably be in breach of wedded contract and other related contracts. First born custody clauses etc. Katie doesn’t realize what she’s dealing with by violating her programming matrix. Tom is like a seriously high level Thetan and the Thetans are not to be messed with because of you know, thetans basically are the reason for the “Hide you kids hide yo wife ” song and...
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True love is over.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have sat down in a boardroom and decided to terminate their contract marriage. Katie had fulfilled five years of her obligations as Tom’s robot bride, and when her contractual negotiations came up Tom decided to tell her that he was going in another direction after Katie had been less than amicable in her bearding wifely duties over the past few months. As a result, Tom is thrilled to announce he will be launching a new show on FOX this fall.  Beard Idol will be a 20 state-wide search for his new wife from a range of desperate C-List actresses. Tom’s publicist said “After the last time when we went searching for wives and several Hollywood stars mocked Tom’s courtship attempts, we have decided that we needed to restrategize how to approach actresses to be Tom’s contractual partner / one true love. Actresses from terrible teen comedies, solidly rated TV dramedies and up-and-coming motion pictures will be asked to attend castings across the country. I think people are going to be really surprised by what Tom brings to the table as a judge!” Friend and fellow Scientology advocate John Travolta has also signed on as a Judge on Beard Idol adding “I’m thrilled to be helping Tom look for a new beautiful young wife who continue to prove that Tom is a really stand-up heterosexual, like myself. Tom is a really sharp judge, woe betide any girl who shows up wearing heels!”  Analysts favour Tom’s illustrious ex Nicole Kidman as a natural choice for the third judge adding that “Nicole has done the job, no-one is better qualified to make the choice for Tom’s next wife than Nicole. She’d also be known as the Ice Queen of the panel, because Nicole knows a beard who’d sell intimate details of her marriage with just...
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