Tag Archives: Cheating

Nothing like cheating to short circuit Britney.

It started out as any other night behind the scenes at Piece of Me at the AXIS, Planet Hollywood. The dancers were spritzing down their faces as they hung out of their skin-tight outfits, enjoying the final moments of release before they’d have to suck in for the next hour and a half. Business managers paced back and forward, staring intently into their iPhones as they awaited confirmation that every seat was filled.  Screaming fans bustled outside whilst hairdressers moved wigs that honest-to-god could be made of nylon into another room. The lighting tech team made final adjustments to the programming, and somewhere, lost in the bustle of that madness, Britney Spears sat in a dark corner whilst her own evening’s programming downloaded into her brain. It took team Britney half an hour before they suddenly realized that something was amiss.  Instead of giggling and coyly suggesting that the audience was “Really hot” (Or any such bland pre-programmed variant) when she lined up an overly excited audience member for participation in the next number, Brit Brit’s broken heart appeared to beat out her standard subroutines as she veered dangerously close to appearing human. If Britney continues like this, we may see an interview in which she reveals more than just her love for vanilla candles at some stage in the future. Im glad that Brit Brit is going with the whole “Empowered / Angry” thing rather than the “Eat ten tubs of Ben & Jerry’s and end up looking like a manatee” thing. Like, I’ve definitely never done that second thing. Nope.  
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Calvin Harris isn’t here for Rita Ora.

The Lidl version of Rihanna (who in herself is at best an ASDA version of Beyonce) known as Rita Ora has recently been mouthing off about how upset she was that her ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris stopped her from performing the song he wrote and produced for her. Rita was due to perform “I Will Never Let you Down” at the esteemed event for all huge iconic music moments known as the Teen Choice Awards this year, but instead she sung “I Will Definitely Actually Be Letting You Down” to herself in her seat and didn’t perform shit as she watched Ariana Grande’s bobblehead jiggle around the stage. According to Rita,  Calvin said “No thanks”  to the producers when they asked for his approval to have the song performed. “I was supposed to perform, and for anyone that doesn’t understand how it works, he wrote and produced the song — I mean, he’s an incredible songwriter, never going to disregard his talents, he’s incredible,” Rita said. “So [Harris] has to approve anything TV-wise, for anybody that doesn’t get it…so he has to approve the rights to [use the song] and he didn’t approve the Teen Choice Awards.” Of course, when asked if she was upset Rita admitted that she was upset not for her billboard positions, but rather for her ‘fans’. “Yeah, I’m not gong to lie, but not for my own selfish reasons, but for my fans…Because the show was going to be awesome…[but] everything happens for a reason, that’s how I look at it.” Calvin didn’t heed the warnings of Rob Kardashian (!) who told everyone that  Rita Ora has a vagina that accepts all potential platinum records as payment for bare-peen entry, and so decided to hit it with Rita for a while. I guess Calvin is kind of one of those “If everyone else is doing it” sort of...
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Internet will Collapse: Bieber and some chick split

I was going to start this article with “This generation’s Britney and Justin” but then I slapped myself and had a long hard think about life. I’m tired. I am so sorry to have failed you and myself as a person. Let’s move on. This generation’s Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Llyn Michaels known as Justin Bieber and That Hispanic Chick Who Dates Justin Bieber have reportedly split up after two years. The official word from their camps is that Bieber decided his ego had grown large enough to constitute a person and wanted to date it instead. He has already told his ego to lose ten pounds and to stop demanding so much of his limelight. That Hispanic Chick Who Dates Justin Bieber is going to have a real identity crisis now. Who will she become now she isn’t dating tiny tantrums? Allegedly, she’s an “actress and singer” and basically appears to be a shitty version of Demi Lovato in all avenues. Wow. I never thought i’d write that line. ABOVE: Not Selena Gomez Maybe That Hispanic Chick could get a job judging on a talent show as that seems to be the thing that people are doing these days. How about Austria’s Got Talent. I’m sure someone can spin her as the right girl to judge people clog dancing and playing the spoons. Maybe she could just take up playing the spoons actually. Then she’d be known as That Hispanic Girl Who Dated Justin Bieber, Now Plays the Spoons. Apparently she dropped the Beaver because he wouldn’t stop taking her to P!nk concerts and she was fed up having to split up brawls about who can build an Ikea shelving unit the fastest. Above: These girls. These girls can build the Ikea shelves the fastest. They win. Or maybe it’s...
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