Tag Archives: Celebrity Gossip


Jennifer Aniston says we need to GET OVER IT.

Jennifer Aniston is really busy right now you guys.   She took a break from her hectic schedule of not winning awards and not being nominated for awards to tell her embryonic mother known as the media that she’s totally 100% not mad at Angelina Jolie. As they had to sit in the same giant ass room a few nights ago to clap slowly at all the awards they didn’t win, the media basically treated it measured and proportionately (read: as a bigger deal than the fall of the Berlin Wall) and I guess Jennifer must have woke up to a call from her therapist asking how that made her feeeeeel because she turned her incredible personal and private diary known as Entertainment Tonight to address the situation. “It’s just tiresome and old, It’s like an old leather shoe. Let’s buy a new pair of shiny shoes. I think that’s slowly coming to an end. I really do,” Aniston said. “I mean, that movie is so beautiful and wonderful and she did such a gorgeous job. I think that it’s time people stop with that petty BS and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.” Uhm, is Jennifer Aniston trying to call Angelina Jolie an old leather shoe? FEUD ALERT!!! Seriously though, does Jennifer Aniston 100% fully understand what she’s asking for here? Like, without the fact that Angelina Jolie stole her man to drop out there every few months, how the fuck is girlfriend going to rile up enough public sympathy to convince people to see any of her shitty movies? Does she understand that if she doesn’t continue to hate Angelina Jolie that the world will spin wildly off its axis, leaving us to die a horrible, painful death as was foretold in the prophecy? And  does she fully...
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Jennifer Lopez to take over from Britney in Vegas

Looks like Britney Spears will not be building herself a cheeto palace in Vegas to retire to a bath of fraps every night after all. TMZ is reporting that latina pop sensation and Eric Cartman’s right hand Hennifer Hopez is closing on a deal to take over from Britney once she’s finished her residency, and J.Lo will get $40k more per show. Like that makes total sense to me, except for the whole part about Jennifer Lopez having only headlined one tour ever. Worse still, said tour grossed even less than Brit Brit’s Groupon twofer event spectacular known as the Femme Fatall-i-wanna-do-is-have-a-seat Tour. It also made not even half of Britney’s “Circus” tour gross. I mean, Jennifer Lopez is not someone you go and see. Jennifer Lopez is someone American Idol subjects you to because celebrity culture is the worst. This is a woman who has had five, maybe six solid hits in her career and the rest is like “Oh yeah, i forgot she recorded all of those other songs about being real”. Britney Spears has the gays. If those Vegas hos think it’s just drunk gamblers who’ve helped Frostie von Frap sell out almost all of her shows then THEY GOT IT WRONG. The gays have travelled far and wide to see Britney again and again. And what is that bitch going to do for her entire discography, because everything she’s ever recorded has been Jennifer Lopez FT.!? She can’t move Pitbull in, can she? She’s not going to get LL Cool J on board, is she? Iggy Azelea isn’t going to come and touch her ass every night, IS SHE?! According to TMZ,  J.Lo will take over lip-syncing duties to not sing through 72 shows over 2 years for $26.4 Million rather than Brit Brit’s 96 shows for $29.8 Million, so...
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Kris Jenner digitally enhances her instagram pictures.

In the least surprising and most important news ever written in the history of the written word, Kris Jenner has been found to be digitally enhancing her Instagram pictures before uploading them. Kris is pimping out her horrible new cookbook and of course since she attracts other famewhores like flies to shit, she got TV Chef Gordon Ramsay to pose with her on her rounds. However TMZ points out that whilst Gordon’s Instagram shows his face for the Mt Snowdon of crags it really is, Kim Sr’s version Gordon Ramsay has just had a beautiful milk bath, has fallen asleep and seems to be glowing. Kris Jenner’s instagram must have the special “VASELINE” filter turn on because that shit is softer than my dick after seeing a picture of Kris Jenner.
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The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants is a real thing

In news that might make you feel a little bit gayer for reading it, or SQUEE with joy (depending on how much Liza Minnelli you’ve been exposed to in your lifetime) The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants actresses Amber Tamblyn, America Ferrera, Alexis Bledel and Blake Lively are all actually in some sort of real life sisterhood. It’s been almost seven years since the last “Pants” movie was released, and it’s been ten years since the first movie started rolling. Most actors don’t become terribly chummy after working with each other because EGO and DRUGS and SCANDAL, but in some wild fluke these four young actresses made a film and didn’t hate each other’s fucking guts. So all of the girls turned up to support America Ferrera in her new play and took a selfie for Amber’s twitter. Thankfully Blake Lively didn’t turn up wearing a kaftan made from bespoke hand weaved Indian American textures. Like, there’s some sick teenage girl part of me that is totally happy that these hos all like each other.  What is that about?! I watched those movies and I did not hate them. And by that I mean im playing it cool and I’ve seen them like ten million times.  The girls also did an EW reunion special last year in which they all said mushy, beautiful shit about each other. There’s allegedly a third movie in pre-production as of April this year, set ten years later for a reunion trip. Is the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants going to become the new “Before” series. (Sunset, Sunrise, Midnight) and meet up with these girls every ten years? I can absolutely see me in my meemaw glasses and with my little zimmerframe shuffling ass out to the cinema to watch these four geriatric hos talk...
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Mario Lopez banged Britney Spears

Because Mario Lopez’ publicists have a book to sell, he’s been out doing what every other kind, respectful gentleman who has ever been with Britney Spears does…selling her the fuck out! After Mario used his son on the last episode of Ellen as a talking point, he was quick to get on to the next publicist approved highlight from his new memoirs in which he said he had a one night stand with a “super famous” pop star in Vegas and then acted all coy and shit when Ellen did what any human with a brain would and allege that it’s The Queen of the Fraps. Well USWeekly did us a favour, put on their Nancy Drew hats and found out that the blindingly obvious truth is indeed blindingly obvious. The magazine confirms that yup, Brit Brit was in bulldozer vagina mode after she split up with K-Fed, and yup, that weird sexual tension that happens every time Lopez interviews her is because they actually did have real life sex. I know, how will your life ever be the same in this knowledge? I mean this was around the time Britney Spears was losing her fucking mind so I’m not sure Mario Lopez should feel like hot shit for that. Britney Spears would have boned a fucking pony if it neighed at her the right way during that time. Britney Spears basically is in a long term relationship with frappes and Mario should not  have been foolish enough to come between Brit Brit and her gorgeous caffeine prince. If Britney was meant for any human it would be Zac Morris anyway, so bye bitch.  
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Well that’s responsible “journalism” for you.

I guess I should not be surprised that Life & Style magazine are once again serving up bottom of the barrel stars in bottom of the barrel stories that are literally six months old now, nor should I be surprised that they’ve photoshopped Cuntina Aguilera into some sort of tropical island resort for honestly no reason at all. What I was surprised by is that this basic bitch of a magazine continues to write such incredibly uplifting and positive messages to it’s readers as the following. I’m talking about the “Bullied over her weight, Christina get’s her best body ever – after two babies. Her never-go-hungry diet that’s better than lipo!” part, though going inside Karina Smirnoff’s closet also counts as a violation based on the shoes alone. It’s a beautiful message to send to your readers. “If people call you a fat bitch, listen to them and lose weight!” Conform! Eat a salad! You’re disgusting! Kill yourself” Even though Christina Aguilera is just the worst, and let’s be honest, she’s who that chick in Nashville is based upon, I kind of liked her when she had a big booty. It represented some form of rebellion against her label, against her detractors, and against what is expected of her. Rebellion is the one thing that was specifically interesting about Christina in her early career (Stripped, Back to Basics) which is now notably absent and could be part of the reason why her records are not selling. The fact that she has played into the negative comments on her weight is both her right to as a woman, but is also entirely predictable in the paradigm of her celebrity. As you will see in the “weight” tag, we’ve only written one weight related article, and that’s about Christina. In that article  I pointed out her hypocrisy regarding her weight, the...
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