Tag Archives: Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ face still looks different.

In “Shit, im late to the party” news, Britney Spears covered Women’s Health magazine and looked like a rough and ready version of Heidi Klum. The world’s monocle dropped and everyone was like “HARPO, WHO DIS WOMAN?”. Well as we already reported Britney had some work done to her face last year  (Read: secondary nose job, lip and face fillers, botox) and it’s radically altered the appearance of her nose. As you can see in the below video, Brit is looking legitimately hot and in shape, the abs are real, as is her facial appearance, but there’s no doubt shes had help from lighting and makeup contouring. I guess “Surprised Madagascar Lemur” is what they were going for in this shoot. We should just stop acting so surprised that Britney Spears no longer looks 16, and appreciate that girl is looking alive, awake, happy and in the best shape i’ve ever seen her in. Credit where its due as well, she’s absolutely dominating in the game of “Young pop star grows into older pop star without having complete career collapse” so cut the girl some slack.
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Someone let Brit Brit read something mean about her.

Jimmy Kimmel must have slipped Papa Spears some extra shit hot emmental this month because Papa Spears actually allowed Brit Brit to hold an actual real telephone and use it to read something on the internet about herself that wasn’t “Britney Spears is the most talented dancer of all time.” or “Britney Spears in Vegas is absolutely SLAYING at arm movements”. Nope. Brit Brit joined the MEAN TWEETS crowd on Jimmy Kimmel dressed like a reject from Lost in Space to show a quick second of humanity and realization that Brit Brit might not be the 100% most relevant superstar on the planet any more. Also of note is Gwyneth Paltrow looking annoyed and upset because people called her a ugly ass big bird lookin bitch. Chloe Moretz also showed up looking like a giant Scottish doilie.
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Amanda Bynes’ parents are outie.

So when you have a troubled daughter like Amanda Bynes things can get sort of difficult. Especially when your daughter is taking to twitter and accusing you of using her for money and, you know, categoric childhood sexual abuse – then saying that a microchip in her brain made her lie about that stuff. The point is, Amanda Bynes’ picture is right next to the word “Troubled” in the dictionary right now and her parents, Rick and Lynn, have had enough. TMZ says they are handing over conservatorship of Amanda’s day to day to a mental healthcare professional and her money stuffs to a financial manager.  They’ve had it with all of the drama around their daughter and they are literally selling up and moving to Texas to be near their other daughter. Presumably this is because Rick and Lynn Bynes are pretty old and are fucking DEFINITELY too old to be dealing with daily accusations of abuse from their mentally ill daughter. In icky situations like this it’s easy to accuse those hos of abandoning Amanda during her hour of need, but the truth is when you’re dealing with someone as far gone as she is, sometimes anything you do, even your presence, can make shit a lot worse. It’s amazing to me that Amanda Bynes is somehow not in a mental health unit somewhere right now. How that has come to pass is a failure of the law and public health service. Girl is definitively a danger to herself and others and shit needs to get sorted out. Of course since Amanda Bynes is on a worrying downward spiral, former castmates have come out to talk about how they saw it coming. Former castmate from “All That” Chelsea Brummet told super reliable and totally trustworthy media source RadarOnline that Amanda was...
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Taylor Swift squints hard but can’t reach that Britney record.

Taylor Swift debuted at #1 on the Billboard 100 chart this week with “1989” shipping 1.287 Million copies, giving her the biggest selling week of her career, breaking the record as first female to have both two and three million-selling frames under her belt, giving her the biggest album opening week since 2002 and also making her the only 2014 release to sell over a million copies, not just in a week, but altogether. The last million selling album in a week was Swift’s own  “Red” in 2012.  The list of impressive achievements goes on and on. The one record that Taylor didn’t swipe in the end was Britney’s now untouchable opening frame for “Oops, I Did it Again, Y’all!” which analysts got a little over-excited about this week when they declared that The Trailer Park Princess would finally be dethroned. It wasn’t to be. But Britney’s 1.319 Million selling “Oops” debut accounted for only around 8% of album sales opening week, whilst Taylor accounted for 22% with “1989“, a reflection of how impressive the achievement is, how fucking obsessed everyone is with this fluffy kitten masquerading as a human female, and how Taylor Swift is going to become our dark overlord any day now. NPR theorizes that Taylor Swift is selling so much because she’s not being a lazy bitch and she’s working harder than any other ho in the game right now.  Beyonce didn’t even bother promoting “BEYONCE”, Britney refuses to even do promo any more, and there’s only so many times you can see Rihanna pat her snatch before your yawning and turning the page. Sure, Katy Perry promotes a lot, but she’s Katy Perry so logic stands that everyone is immediately less likely to buy her CD if they see and hear her on tv. The nearest selling...
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Britney Spears wants you to know she’s worth more than J.Lo

Since both Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez are artists dedicated to the craft of making music that touches people, changes opinions and acts as a reflection of the delicate human psyche using the creative use of sonic textures and emotional hooks, it would seem surprising that either artist would care even a shred about stupid material stuff like power or money. However, Britney’s management got wind of the story that The Crown Princess of Frapps would be making less money than Hennifer Hopez if she took over from Brit in Vegas, and those hos went straight to TMZ to tell them that Chester Cheeto’s girlfriend is worth way more than that dahllling. If there’s one way to piss Britney Spears’ team off its to act like they are not miking Britney for every single shiny dime she is worth. When Britney dies, her management of her estate will constantly say she’s making more dead that Michael Jackson and that is a fact. Britney Spears Inc. said yes, Brit originally signed to do 96 shows in Vegas over two years for $29.76 million, or $310k per show. Which is tidy money. However, they claimed that Planet Hollywood were so pleased with the record ticket sales for Britney that they grabbed PH by the nutsack, saying that if they wanted Britney to up her show count to 140 over the 2 years then those hos would have to chuck a revised $475k per-fucking-show into her bank. Planet Hollywood ate shit and said yes, and now Britney makes just $1k less than Vegas’ highest earner SALEEN DEEON IN A KAYAK . She’s walking home with over $1 Million in her personal account alone per week after all deductions. In Britney terms, that is a lot of trips to target and ugly antique mirrors. What the bottom line that...
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Jennifer Lopez to take over from Britney in Vegas

Looks like Britney Spears will not be building herself a cheeto palace in Vegas to retire to a bath of fraps every night after all. TMZ is reporting that latina pop sensation and Eric Cartman’s right hand Hennifer Hopez is closing on a deal to take over from Britney once she’s finished her residency, and J.Lo will get $40k more per show. Like that makes total sense to me, except for the whole part about Jennifer Lopez having only headlined one tour ever. Worse still, said tour grossed even less than Brit Brit’s Groupon twofer event spectacular known as the Femme Fatall-i-wanna-do-is-have-a-seat Tour. It also made not even half of Britney’s “Circus” tour gross. I mean, Jennifer Lopez is not someone you go and see. Jennifer Lopez is someone American Idol subjects you to because celebrity culture is the worst. This is a woman who has had five, maybe six solid hits in her career and the rest is like “Oh yeah, i forgot she recorded all of those other songs about being real”. Britney Spears has the gays. If those Vegas hos think it’s just drunk gamblers who’ve helped Frostie von Frap sell out almost all of her shows then THEY GOT IT WRONG. The gays have travelled far and wide to see Britney again and again. And what is that bitch going to do for her entire discography, because everything she’s ever recorded has been Jennifer Lopez FT.!? She can’t move Pitbull in, can she? She’s not going to get LL Cool J on board, is she? Iggy Azelea isn’t going to come and touch her ass every night, IS SHE?! According to TMZ,  J.Lo will take over lip-syncing duties to not sing through 72 shows over 2 years for $26.4 Million rather than Brit Brit’s 96 shows for $29.8 Million, so...
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