Tag Archives: Beyonce


Everything about the 711 video and song is a fucking mess.

No comment necessary other than the title, really. I see Beyonce trying to give this an =authentic= feel but Gore Verbinski can be seen seated in front of the 120 person production team at around 3 minutes 4 seconds. What a fucking drag it must have been to have Beyonce take over an entire hotel room floor to make this mess because there is no excuse for the levels of terrible that this song is.
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Here’s Beyonce swaying like a weirdo girl from a horror movie.

So you know in horror movies there’s always someone who’s been exposed to the demon/horror/carnage  and who’s tiny mind couldn’t process it? The one who gets committed to a horrible asylum that looks like it couldn’t possibly exist in modern medicine in Michigan and whispers about scary shit then hangs herself straight after meeting the protagonist? Well YONCE must have watched one too many horror movies this Halloween, because she brought the mentally damaged horror asylum girl teas to a recent Brooklyn Nets basketball game. And by “watched one too many horror movies” I of course mean “been as high as a kite.” It’s good to watch this video and imagine “Why Why Why, Delilah” By Tom Jones is playing. In fact, I think this is a thing that should happen now in this post. You’re welcome. Thanks to reader Vanessa for sending in this clip.
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Jay-Zzz and Thiefonce are an arranged marriage says PageSix

If you are standing up, sit down. If you are sitting down, put down any hot beverages. If you are sleeping, wake up but ensure you are surrounded by the cushions of Lisa Rinna’s pillow lips because PageSix has some SHOCKING and SCANDALOUS new information about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s marriage that will almost certainly make you pass out, stop all current wars due to weeping and shaking soldiers and probably cease the production of all questionable lace-front weaves forever. PageSix (Six is the number of the DEVIL for this dark-sided smear story) claims that Beyonce and Jay-Z aren’t really the true life version of Belle and the Beast and that Solange isn’t really Mrs Potts.   PageSix say Bey and Jay are only together for mutual business and nothing more. The source claims that their romance started out all one-sided, with Jay-Z being obsessed with Beyonce but Beyonce being like “Why dis ugly dude keep calling me?”. Because Beyonce was raised in the House of Ruthless Ambition Dereon, the Knowles’ quickly recognized that Jay-Z would be mutually beneficial to Thiefonce’s career in swagger-jacking from artists and other celebrities. It was a master stroke of marketing: She gave him class, he gave her cred. Jay Z was infatuated with Beyoncé, says the source, but the bottom line was business; he knew he could do big things for her, and together they could be a juggernaut. For Beyoncé, however, it was a slower burn. According to an interview with the website Celebuzz, her uncle Larry Beyince said that initially his niece had no interest. “He was after her and she wasn’t,” Beyince said. “She told me she wasn’t too fond of him … I guess she wasn’t attracted to him.” The source goes on to say that Beyonce was only interested in Jay for his savvy business-mind, because...
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Solange Knowles attacks Jay-Z in front of Beyonce.

If you’re wondering why the look on Jay-Z’s face in the picture above is familiar, it’s because that’s the look you have on your face when you have a demon unleashed on your ass and you are truly whipped. I guess Beyonce has cut Solange’s allowance, because at the fancy Met Gala event where Solange was allowed out to play she struck back at her benefactors by slicing Jay Z in the ALL OVER with fist bumps to the face, heel pumps to the crotch and general Not-Having-It-McDonalds style fighting. This video shows Solange, Beyonce and Jay-Z shimming on into the elevator at the Met Gala where Solange, with immediate effect, starts literally raining down a pocketful of Chris Brown on Jay-Z whilst Beyonce stands by as if shit isn’t even happening. The worst thing is this shit goes on and on. It doesn’t stop. Solange is one fierce bitch and she is not interested in Jay’s bodyguard trying to subdue her, which is probably a good thing because Beyonce sure as shit makes roughly zero attempt to stop the fight. I swear Beyonce might as well have popped out her phone and sent a tweet about how she was loving the Met Gala. There’s always been loads of rumours about how Beyonce’s ‘Second Coming of Oprah’ life is not really anything like that at all, that she is a huge bitch and how she stands by and watches whilst bitches in her life fight all around her. There’s also been rumour after rumour that Jay-Z is sticking his peen in other poons. That shit would not surprise me, because the uggos in life get all the play if they have money and power. Still, Solange should know that Chris Browning is NEVER the answer. Even if your sister’s husband...
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Single Armenian Female

There are a lot of ways you can tell if you are not famous. Looking at your bank balance and asking yourself if you can or can’t afford a loaf. Checking your Facebook and seeing if you pay anyone to be your friend. Looking at your genitals to check if you are currently having sex with Lindsay Lohan, or checking your Google Calendar to see if there any fortnightly appointments that fall under the titles “dietician”, “therapist”, “botox”, “dentist”, or “dermatologist”. See famous fancy bitches don’t have to deal with common folks things like human looking skin, or teefs that age – because they are famous, fool! So It should be any surprise that in the world of the rich and famous, shady side-eye moments don’t happen in Costco or at the ATM, they happen at the Dermatologist. Beyonce was just popping by the dermatologist for her fortnightly top up of botox and filler when she bumped into Kim Kardashian, and like most of the universe, Beyonce enjoyed small-talk with Kim K about as much as she enjoyed the time when Kelly Rowland was allowed to speak in interviews. Apparently, according to Radar Online Kim is totally obsessed with Beyonce and when she bumped into her she fangirled the fuck out, to which Beyonce was like ‘Oh i obviously have to go back to the dermatologist as there is a giant ass pimple I clearly haven’t removed’. According to the report, Beyonce was more interested in checking in with Michelle Williams than talking to Kim, and who can blame her – because with all the toxic poison in her face Beyonce must have been worried about a bio-hazard  if she came into contact with the one person entirely formed from toxic poison. Apparently straight afterwards, Kim went in and asked to have EXACTLY what...
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Beyonce cries very real tears.

A little story about Beyonce. I went to see her ass perform live at the I Am Sasha Gimmick tour, because im a gay man and I will entertain this foolery, and that bitch literally turned tears on and off like an emotional water mains. After I saw her perform “Halo” live and cry cry cry as a giant fucking ridiculous angel puts his wings around her I decided to go online and re-visit that ridiculous and awesome moment, and sho’nuff, Beyonce was CRY CRY CRYING her eyes out in like every single fucking video of Halo I could find performed live anywhere at almost exactly the same moment. I know we all joke about Britney Spears being replaced with a robot and having ten quarters put in her back every night before shes shuffled out onto a Vegas stage, but shit, I am almost 100% sure Beyonce has been replaced by a giant automated tap. At last nights closer of the Mrs Carter tour, Beyonce took a little moment at the end to soak up her minions falling over themselves to bathe in the light of Beyonce. Here’s how that went down. In the video Beyonce claims shes sooooo lucky to have amazing fans and have such a wonderful fucking life because people will pay $800 dollars to see her shake her lamb chops. Beyonce’s “I am only who I am because of you” just makes you kind of realize that Beyonce thinks of herself as Maya Angelou come Nelson Mandela. Anyway, once Beyonce started crying in gratitude and opening her giant arms out like she was Jesus (she is though, right?) she dedicated her song to the fans. I would like Beyonce to dedicate the next song she performs to those poor assholes from Destinys Child whos lives...
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