Tag Archives: Ben Affleck

Bennifer have removed their wedding rings.

In a breakup,  there are usually two types of people. There are the Ben Afflecks and the Jennifer Garners. The Jennifer Garners of the world try to make it work when it’s evidently broken.  Probably (but not always) the better half of the relationship, this person is also the one who thinks of themselves as the lesser because they see unconditional goodness in their partner where their partner only sees themselves (and sometimes also Blake Lively’s poon). But, when they finally accept that it’s just not working, the JGs begin the painful process of moving on. This largely involves struggling with the realisation that their hopes and dreams are now going to boil down to a shattered month of screaming songs from Jagged Little Pill in a half filled bathtub with copious bottles of cheap chardonnay, lots of ice cream and a candle situation that is at best deemed hazardous. The Ben Afflecks of the world, however, move on by banging literally the closest person in the immediate vicinity as quickly as possible, trying to cover their ass about what a dick move that was, and then carefully figuring out how to make themselves look the best they possibly can by trying to gently blame their poor behaviour on their ex, because everyone sort of thought they were kind of a cheating asshole anyway. And with the new dictionary definitions of what you will call “Oh my god you were way too good for him” and “He’s Such a Jerk” during a breakup now clearly established, let’s take a moment to highlight an extremely important development in world news today – that both of these people whom most of us will never meet have taken off their wedding bands, despite having been on the road to it effectively for over two years and having...
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Literally nothing is happening

So it’s been a long time since we updated LA Deli, and you might think that’s because Perez Hilton broke the site with his general being since he was the last thing we wrote about. I mean, it’s not like there’s been a shortage of shit going down. Bennifer / true love are over, Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner and, most importantly, internationally renowned music superstar uber-sensation Heidi Montag remains as elusive as she is demure and keeps fans around the world waiting for her hot new beat to drop. So, there should really be no excuse for me to not pick up and write about something really exciting and interesting, but you’ll be happy to know that Hollywood is quiet and no one is doing anything.   This is definitely not my way of secretly shirking out of writing about some Kardashian stories or having to talk about the STILL TOO RAW Bennifer collapse. It’s also not my way of saying that I am too lazy to talk any more about anyone on the Daily Mail sidebar of shame.  Nope. It’s really just an opportunity for me to remind you what classic gems LA Deli’s Youtube channel brought you so that I don’t have to do anything. Did you know we have nearly a million views on Youtube? If each of those people gave me a handjob i’d have incredibly painful friction burns and probably be in jail. Food for thought.  
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Ben Affleck doing the ice bucket challenge.

Okay so there’s only so many more ice bucket challenge videos I can post before this blog becomes “ICE BUCKET CHALLENGES BLOG” so i’m going to keep that shit in check, but here’s a cute video of Buttchin Batman tackling Jennifer Garner after she chucks a bucket of ice over his head. This family is everything.  
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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner ruin each others friendships.

Because the trundling marriage  cart of Bennifer 2 is careering down to the messy end of its road, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck both appear to be engaging in that age old game of being 14 and having former friends accuse the other’s piece of being weird and controlling. A few weeks ago 13 Going on 30 co-star Marc Ruffalo reminded us of a time when Jennifer Garner seemed poised to not star in endlessly terrible films. Marc said he was pretty good buddies with Jennifer Garner back then but when Ben Affleck got serious with Jennifer, Marc was handed a pink slip with the imprint of a butt-chin on it, and that is how it feels to be told ” BYE, BITCH” by Ben Affleck. At Comic-Con this weekend,  Ben’s old friend Kevin Smith who you might remember starred in a movie opposite Jennifer Garner has now got something to say about why he is no longer in the inner circle. When recently asked why he is no longer nuzzling in Ben’s soft butt chin, Kevin said. “Great question. I don’t know, because we’re not fucking tight. I have not been [close with him] in decades….That’s old Ben. He’s got a wife that don’t care for me at all [Laughs]. And plus, honestly, he probably don’t care for me at all anymore. He’s a triple-A-list movie star and shit like that. If he’s Jimmy Carter, I’m Billy Carter, to put it in ’70s terms. And I’m not even related and shit.” Apparently in a 2009 interview Kevin added “Jennifer does not share the same sense of humor as me — she did not like my jokes. I was picking on Ben Affleck making fun of him because I’ve known him for a really long time — I was talking smack — and Jennifer goes, ‘You know,...
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Gallery: Jennifer Garner

Jennifer Garner is probably best known for her starring role in ABC’s “Alias”  but she’s grown even more famous since marrying Hollywood actor Ben Affleck, to become one half of the most down to earth power-couples in the celebrity scene. Find loads of new pictures of Jennifer as used by LA Deli here. Jennifer Garner Gallery    
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BREAKING NEWS: Ben Affleck to be wooden in new film.

In a developing story, Ben Affleck has signed on to play a plank of wood pretending to be Batman in a 2015 sequel to Zack Synder’s 2013 pic “Henry Cavill is fucking Delicious”. Above: an exclusive early look at Ben Affleck in costume for the film. The studio, Warner Brothers, has a long history of working with Affleck who is known as a competent movie director and excellent thesp in roles which require him to perform as a piece of wood which is attemtping to emote real human feelings. They said of the development “We knew we needed an extraordinary actor to take on one of DC Comics’ most enduringly popular super heroes and make them somehow less interesting than Henry Cavill and Ben Affleck certainly fits that bill and then some,” Warner Bros President Greg Silverman said in a statement. Mr Snyder, who also directed Man of Steel, said in a statement that Mr Affleck will provide an “interesting counter-balance” to 31-year old Cavill’s Clark Kent. “(Affleck) has the acting chops to create a layered portrayal of a tree who is older and wiser than Clark Kent and bears the scars of a seasoned timber log, but retain the charm that the world sees in Ikea’s high quality but low price furniture,” said Snyder. “I can’t wait to work with him.” Ben famously met his current wife, Jennifer Garner, on the set of Daredevil where he also played a piece of wood pretending to be a superhero. Jennifer Garner played perfection being perfect, naturally. Above: Garner shocked the industry for losing out an Oscar nod for the role. Insiders on the movie are said to be ecstatic that the studio found an A-List actor who is able to make Henry Cavill look like an emotional powerhouse.  Above: Henry Cavill...
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