Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Victoria Justice, Kate Upton, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, Farrah Abraham (No Surprises), Kayley Cuoco, Hayden Panettiere, Kelly Brook, Kate Bosworth, Kiki Dunst, MK Olsen, Kim Kardashian, Lea Michelle, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, Scarlett Johansson and about a ZILLION other female celebrities are all lying in their million thread count sheets in a cold sweat tonight, because the internet has seen their vajayjays. In an unprecedented hack of Apple’s iCloud service, (probably by one of those annoying hos with an Android phone) all of the above saw their NUDEZ stolen and posted to professional troll cave 4chan, because for some reason they were backup syncing their nude pictures to somewhere that WASN’T DIRECTLY ON THEIR OWN GOD-DAMNED PHONE. Apparently, or so I’m told by smart people , many of the pictures are “ghost” images from the sexting heaven of Snapchat which secretly save on your phone when you send it out. Or something. I have literally no idea how the iCloud service works (none) because when you get close to 30 you suddenly hit that tipping point of no longer giving a fuck about technology or top 40 music. As i understand it, you backup shit automatically if you don’t turn off a little slider on your fancy phone, so Apple is constantly being like “Hi how are you, just going to take a look into your phone and upload all of it’s contents to the internet now, thanks!” Which is definitely something I can see celebrities who are conscious of their privacy being interested in. The other theory is that the phones were hacked by a security weakness in the “Find my Phone” tool which again, is super fucking confusing to me because I’m not smart or young. I’m pretty sure I am going to need someone to feed me microwave...
Update: It appears Avril removed the video from Youtube AND Vimeo, the above is a fan uploaded video. I think we can all agree that 18 year old’s singing songs like With You isn’t unimpressive. By the same token, it can be said that a 29 year old woman singing songs like “Hello Kitty” is most definitely unimpressive. Im kind of at the stage of thinking Avril Lavigne is the new Michael Jackson in that she’s never growing up and is always going to live in a hot topic wonderland as a gothic Alice. Avril is sporting a look which says ‘Madonna fucked a cupcake and then fell onto a razor’, and she’s singing a song which I can only describe as one of the worst things to happen to pop music since, well, ever. What makes this song an even greater travesty is not the fact that Avril Lavigne chose this as one of the cuts from what is actually a relatively solid pop album, (if you like your pop served by a grown-ass woman acting like she’s a slutty 18 year old) but it’s the sheer embarrassing ridiculousness of her music video. Like, it’s the visual equivalent to chucking up pepto-bismol all over a dish of Wasabi. That is to say, it is not a very good music video. In fact, it is so bad that Avril herself even looks uncomfortable, probably wondering how it came to this. A promising career as the next Alanis Morisette ends up with a bit of her head shaved off whilst she wears a patent cupcake dress and sings about a Japanese craze which, for all intensive purposes, became irrelevant about four years ago. Kind of like Avril herself. Le sigh.
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