Strictly Come Dancing trumps X-Factor in ratings battle 2014


Because old people are 80% more likely to have literally nothing else to do on a Saturday and Sunday night, Strictly Come Dancing continued its winning streak of beating out X-Factor as the competitive talent show of choice this weekend when it returned.

Strictly was watched by an average of of 8.4 Million geriatrics around the communal room telly whilst X-Factor could only muster 7 Million teenage girls and bored couples over Marks & Spencers meal deal with a bottle of wine (Facebooked about at least one time during the show per couple).

Not all bad news for X-Factor, though, as the show is still up year on year on Saturday with around 600,000 viewers, but being up against Strictly on Sunday saw it down a whopping 2 Million viewers. Ya burnt! I guess people really didn’t care that Bruce was shuffled off into the room where they show Strictly (aka the leafy retirement home) and was replaced by Claudia Winkleman’s bangs.

TV pundits are surprised that X-Factor is still struggling this year as fuck knows that watching Mel BCheryl Chiquitita  and Gay Simon is more entertaining than watching  human plank of wood Nicole Scherzinger next to human tin of magnolia paint  Gary Barlow. That said, there’s only so many northern women who’s mother died in a horrible unicycle accident and are on the show not for fame, but because they “want to make their 2 year old autistic son Dylan/Samuel/Parker proud” after he lost his father to the war that you can stomach before you decide you’ve seen your last slow-motion VT’s set to Snow Patrol songs.


The X-Factor has milked the “public empathy” teet so hard with the worn-the-fuck out emotional manipulation button that the public now sees a ho in need on the ground, rolls their eyes, and steps over that bitch to jiggle to Mark Wright shaking his tanned tatas in sparkly sequins. Mark Wright is the man I burn a cigarette into my arm over because even though I KNOW KNOW KNOW I shouldn’t find that trashcan attractive… I STILL DO ANYWAY. Fuck .It’s like my relationship with ice-cream. I know it’s an evil bitch out to make my hips look like cottage cheese, but I can’t help but love it anyway. Mark is the kind of guy you pick up in a bar, he calls you fat and ugly all night, and then you wake up the next morning to find he’s left behind a card on the pillow with his bank account details and his cab fare for transfer.

At least all of those bitches can sit at a table like the Britney and Christina of the talent show scene and scream “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US” to the Mandy Moore that is “Tumble” on BBC1. Tumble had 2.9 Million viewers this weekend.


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