5 Reasons why Shania Twain’s comeback is everything.
Shania Twain is back and I’m literally losing my fucking mind.
For those of you who aren’t Shania Superfans (As if such sad people devoid of Shania in their lives even exist?) let me fill you in on why Shania Twain’s comeback is the most important thing to happen to 2017. Cancel your year, It’s her’s now. The Shania Twain Comeback is upon us.
1 – Shania Twain has the biggest selling album by a female artist, ever.
Did you know that Come On Over sold over 40 Million copies worldwide and casually spawned 12 singles from a 16 song tracklist. To say your faves could never is an understatement. What’s more, her songs are not just top-selling hits, they are iconic smashes that make their way to every karaoke session, every party and every radio flashback. Why doesn’t Shania get the credit she deserves for fronting and co-writing some of pop’s most groundbreaking songs?
2 – Shania Twain literally wrote a pop song about shopping too much and it was great
‘Up’ was Shania’s follow up album to Come on Over and it also sold a lot of records. Like another 20 million copies a lot. Or more than Beyonce’s last three albums combined (I’m aware that’s an unfair comparison and I will ask you to turn a blind eye in the sake of Shania).
Anyway, on Up, our country kween sang about a diverse range of important and significant issues including, but not limited to –
- Your husband eye-fucking some of the help at a restaurant and you asking the waiter for some water to throw in his face because YEAH BITCH.
- How being a driver of a car infers that you are in fact, in control of that car. And also being submissive in an unhealthy way outside of the car. Including the amazing line “For you, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do. You could put a hole in my shoe”. (Not okay, Shazza)
- Growing a beard to cover up a case of acne. Which is a pretty good tactic if you’re not Shania Twain.
- And, most importantly, how our capitalist society is on a downward spiral of gratification through spending as a means of coping with psychological issues through material things. A world listlessly moving through life as wasteful robots programmed by a hegemony of corporate giants who increase a class warfare of own creation, by encouraging subprime lending to keep up with unfair societal expectations. Through an astute observation of her own star-power, she deconstructs her own role in the modern bourgeois, a brave move from a woman who built her image on a horseback. Plus there’s a snake in the video which is totally symbolic. Original Illuminati Queen!
3 – Shania Twain is the breakup album you’ve always wanted.
Again, everyone in the universe who is right and good should be aware that Shania’s ex-husband and the genius producer behind her hits, Mutt Lange is the worst and cheated on her with her best friend. The worst!
You should know this because Shania has pretty much been leaning on this narrative through her entire Oprah tv series and the subsequent, highly successful residency in Vegas. She’s a woman scorned, rising from the ashes to take the high road…a high road that also involves consistently referencing the ex who, she says, devastated her.
Since we haven’t had a really juicy angry breakup album in a long, long time, there is a strong possibility that Shania’s positive outlook on the new her music will be balanced out by that underlying fury at what Mutt did. Expect an album filled with ‘Dust yourself off and tell your ex to go fuck himself’ greatness.
4 – Shania Twain has been promising this for-fucking-ever.
So Shania Twain started talking about making new music back in 2009. Then again, she teased new music when she took to Ceasars Palace for her residency. A new single here or there, but nothing concrete for a record. In 2013, Twain again took to social media to explain she was still working on the record. 2015’s Rock This Country tour brought more talk of a new album. October 2016 brought the statement that it’d be “Really soon” to Rolling Stone magazine, and by February, she talked of an album release by March or May of 2017.
By June we finally, FINALLY FINALLLYYYYY got the release date and album title for Now….September 29th.
Shania Twain – biggest cocktease in the history of music.
But you can’t really be mad with her though. Losing the husband who was the other part of the puzzle as her producer and co-writer must have daunted Twain’s confidence. Add to that, Twain herself couldn’t actually sing any more…for years. A condition called Vocal Dysphonia reduced her singing voice to a shadow of what it was, requiring years of vocal therapy to bring it back up to speed, and add in Lyme disease to the mix, Shazza’s had it rough.
5 – Shania Twain is still bona-fide, no holds barred, hot.
Life’s about to get good indeed, and yeah, Shania kind of dances like your aunt getting excited at Ikea for finding an ikat rug, but you have to hand to her, she’s looking amazing – and whilst the track might not be her best, it’s definitely bringing a spritz of joy back to a world of pop music that is an acid pill away from songs about murdering prostitutes.
Shania’s made it through years of personal adversity, insecurity and medical difficulty to finally, over 15 years after her last album, prepare to release more country-pop crossover greatness to the world and tell Taylor Swift that, bish, I was here first.
When you see Shania strut down a stage with that fire in here eyes, you know girlfriend is not here to play. And i’m 10000% here for that.