The backwards version of Madonna’s accent that is Rita Ora and the backwards version of a decent human-being that is Kim Kardashian have had a long and boring history of hating each others asses. Seriously, these irrelevant trolls have had way too much action from my typing fingers the past few weeks. I honestly couldn’t give a donkeys tit about them, but something tells me I’m alone in that.
Anyway shit hasn’t been so hot between Kim and Rita since that one time that Rita sort of cheated on Kim’s brother with every dick in showbiz. Kim isn’t happy that Rita not only cheated on her brother (Allllegdly), but, in reality, also made Kim’s slut game look laxxxxxx.
Things came to a head last week when Rita was meant to sit next to Kim at the MTV VMA’s.
When Kim arrived, she told producers that it was nice and only natural of them to think of her when setting up publicity stunts, but that she’d really rather be sitting with the other talentless fame-seeking whores at the back than with the talented fame-seeking whore that is Rita Ora. So MTV obliged and put Kim with her sisters.
Above: A wax model of a human female.
Now TMZ reports that Rita and Kim miraculously ended up on the same flight out of LA. IMAGINE THAT. The article goes on to suggest that both ladies would likely have been seated in first class…together.
Well first and foremost I think it’s ambitious to say that Rita Ora is anywhere above business class at this stage. She’s not even top 20 right now?! I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to finally be allowed into first class to see Kim Kardashian’s disgusting ass sitting there whilst she whined in that baby prostitute voice that the champagne was too Italian.
Secondly, I hope that when that plane touched down the CDC were onsite to HAZMAT the shit out of that thing, because the noxious fumes of attention seeking, self-importance, and cherry lube (Kanye was on the plane too) would have definitely made a lot of people very sick.
And finally, IT’S MORE THAN A LITTLE SUSPECT to me that every time I hear a new story about Rita Ora the name Kim Kardashian also pops up.
Me thinks that Kris Jenner has her Google Alerts set up for “rising star” and the moment she sees a billboard entry she’s dialing up People and TMZ and figuring out ways that a Kardashian name can be inexplicably interwoven into a story.
“Charlie XCX’s new hit Boom Clap is Khloe Kardashian”s new jam!”
“Iggy Azelea allegedly jealous of Kim Kardashian’s Armenian curves!”
“Selena Gomez desperate to look like Kendall Jenner!”
“Ariana Grande’s youthful, gorgeously smooth skin is exactly the same as that of Kris Jenners!”
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
We cannot provide any warranty on the validity of what is posted.
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