Two Saints spent the night playing Sudoku

Two Saints spent the night playing Sudoku

Because celebrities have publicists who work day and night to make them seem ultimately like holy beings, if you hear that a celebrity branded “A bit of a schlaggggg really” then you have to really ask yourself how many people they are banging to get that reputation.

With that said and on a totally unrelated note, Rita Ora and Gerard Butler are reportedly bumping uglies according to UsWeekly.

Rita is best known for being the reason that Rob Kardashian tripled in size because she allegedly banged a bunch of guys without a condom behind his back. Rita is also a singer.

Gerard is best known for trying to finger Jennifer Aniston in the ass that one time.  Gerard is also an actor.

To say that both Rita Ora and Gerard Butler would fuck anything that walks is absolutely slanderous and not at all in line with the editorial standards (HA!) of this website, as well as being patently untrue.

It makes 10000000% perfect sense that these two absolutely virginal saints would come together and be so overcome by first-time lust for one another that they threw off their chastity belts, apologized to God for their unholy sin and spent the evening violating themselves by watching Countdown in their hotel room together from opposite sides of the room.

Rita Ora is effectively the modern day Virgin Mary and Gerard Butler is her Joseph, and they probably spent time talking about religion together before having a cup of hot chocolate and lying down for a nice nap. The implications that UsWeekly are making are dark-sided and ungodly.

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