The Queen of Butterflies and Princess of Bratwurst know as Mariah Carey is currently living in a separate house from that commoner she’s been married to Nick Cannon.
Nick has confirmed to The Insider that he and the giant DOLLAR sign he married are living separately and encountering a “rough patch”. This might be because Mimi is too busy being a multi-uber-triple platinum chart topper (in her brain its always 1999) whilst also curating the beautiful butterfly and unicorn kingdom in her dreams to even bother about this basic shit.
Nick denied the widespread rumours that his penis was jogging off to indulge in some ice team with other vaginas during the relationship.
Because Mariah is the ELUSIVE CHANTEUSE and keeps her gracious public at arms length, sources are suggesting that Queen Mimi was most displeased that Nick told everyone who would listen everything about anything.
Whilst she’s stuffing herself into a bandage dress to write another multi trillion selling SMASH, Nick Cannon is out laughing about the times he banged Kim Kardashian on basic radio.
Nick failed at the #1 rule of gold-digging, and that is to respect your paycheck!!!
Do you think SyFy Network would ever disrespect their meal-ticket in internationally respected thesp and star of Sharknado,Tara Reid? No! Do you think that Kevin Federline would violate his agreement and talk to the press about the grizzly details of having been married to Brit Brit? No! And do you think the Ecclestone sisters would talk about how their daddy looks like a Bugs Life insect on acid? Fuck no! Those bitches know where their bread is buttered, and Nick Cannon must have lost his gold-digger induction pack when he originally married Mimi.
The Insider revealed that Mariah is worth $510 Million whilst Nick is worth $20 Million. Translation: Mimi is looking out across Central Park from her apartment’s dolphin tank laughing into a glass of champagne as she reads her pre-nup which she wrote with a glitter pen. Nick is weeping into a can of Tesco Value baked beans….that he is eating froma gold plated bowl….he’s still worth $20 Million after all.
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
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