Jennifer Aniston is really busy right now you guys.
She took a break from her hectic schedule of not winning awards and not being nominated for awards to tell her embryonic mother known as the media that she’s totally 100% not mad at Angelina Jolie.
As they had to sit in the same giant ass room a few nights ago to clap slowly at all the awards they didn’t win, the media basically treated it measured and proportionately (read: as a bigger deal than the fall of the Berlin Wall) and I guess Jennifer must have woke up to a call from her therapist asking how that made her feeeeeel because she turned her incredible personal and private diary known as Entertainment Tonight to address the situation.
“It’s just tiresome and old, It’s like an old leather shoe. Let’s buy a new pair of shiny shoes. I think that’s slowly coming to an end. I really do,” Aniston said. “I mean, that movie is so beautiful and wonderful and she did such a gorgeous job. I think that it’s time people stop with that petty BS and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.”
Uhm, is Jennifer Aniston trying to call Angelina Jolie an old leather shoe? FEUD ALERT!!!
Seriously though, does Jennifer Aniston 100% fully understand what she’s asking for here? Like, without the fact that Angelina Jolie stole her man to drop out there every few months, how the fuck is girlfriend going to rile up enough public sympathy to convince people to see any of her shitty movies?
Does she understand that if she doesn’t continue to hate Angelina Jolie that the world will spin wildly off its axis, leaving us to die a horrible, painful death as was foretold in the prophecy? And does she fully grasp that if she stops hating Angelina Jolie that we will all have to see heavily photoshopped images of a Taylor Swift and Katy Perry feud on the front of magazines instead?
It would be a world no longer worth living in.