The Oscars 2013: Jennifer Lawrence fell on her face
So basically Jennifer Lawrence is amazing and brilliant and we all love her, we really really love her. Somewhere, in a dark room, Kristen Stewart is seething furious over the career she thought she’d have but Jennifer Lawrence got instead. But Kristen got the cackliest Maleficient cackle in yesterday when Jennifer won Best Actress at The Oscars.
As J.Law went up to get a Best Actress Oscar at the ripe old age of 22 she fell flat on her motherfuckin face! Coming just weeks after her dress fell apart at the Screen Actors Guild Awards, someone needs to sit Jennifer’s stylist down and tell her ass that she needs to wear Diane Keaton’s cast-off pant suits at all times.
In other Oscar news, not much surprising happened anywhere, Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress in the biggest surprise to no one ever and least of all Anne Hathaway’s mirror, to which she’d practiced this speech since she could first speak.
Ben Affleck basically called his marriage “work” in accepting Best Picture for Argo. Just to remind you, his wife looks like this…
Yeah dude, you’ll never be just like us when your wife is Jennifer Garner. I’m happy for these two though, because if anyones deserving of Hollywood Royalty status is not those two squished tampons Brangelina, it’s these regular down to earth farmers market loving freaks. Sure Ben’s probably cheated on Jen more times than you can shake everything at, and she deserves better than Blake Lively but at the end of the day I still like them together.
Daniel Day Lewis became the first actor to win the Best Actor statue three times and people are now calling him the male Meryl Streep, to which Meryl Streep had 0 singular fucks to give as she was too busy wearing Las Vegas as her dress.
As per usual the Oscars dragged on with technical awards to all the “non specials” who of course, actually make the specials special.
Ang Lee for example, won Best Director for “Life of Pi” in which he made a kid and a fake tiger on a boat interesting for 120 Minutes.
Literally no one gave a twat about the category of Best Supporting Actor this year because Anne Hathaway was too busy on the warpath to her own Oscar to share any limelight in the field of SUPPORTING. If Anne DID share any of that glory it would have went to the dude who won, Christoph Waltz for “Django Unchained”. Chrissy is kind of Tarantino’s new Uma Thurman right now, so he got his.
Because no one posts the fucking Oscar results in a way you can easily copy and paste, just head over to Oscars.com to see all the techy stuff.