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Megan Fox was right!!!!

Internationally respected philosopher, box office analyst and visionary Megan Fox was right again. She recently foretold that audiences would flock to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because they were dumb enough to also go see Transformers 4. (Before pulling that classic Audrey Hepburn  elegance trick of telling her audience to “fuck off” if they hate the film). Megan’s solid logic and Nostradamus brain turned out to be 100% right as per usual. Despite horrible reviews and poor response, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opened on top of the box office on Friday night. TMNT is currently on track to open to around $62-65 Million after a very strong Friday night of teenage boys with erections. When a rational adult sees a movie poster featuring Megan Fox they generally perceive the movie as being “bad”, “poorly plotted” and “probably as fun as throwing acid on my dick”. But when teenage boys see Megan Fox on a movie poster they see “BONER!”, “AWESOME” and “BONER!”. The fact that the turtles all look like giant talking versions of various post vodka and gin shits i’ve had over the years are kind of a turn-off for me, because no one wants to be reminded of the time you woke up in a stranger’s apartment and had to take a post-booze poo or you’d crap yourself on the tube home. No one. In other box office news. Guardians of the Galaxy continues to play well and is going to be off around 55% to $42.5ish million. The budget version of Twister without any of the flying cows known as Into the Storm also bested expectations and is set for around $17.5 Million this weekend. Finally, The Hundred Foot Journey also bested expectations significantly in what is shaping up to be a strong August. The Lasse Hallstrom helmed pic is in tune for $11.5 Million for it’s...
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Scarlett Johansson is the new box office queen.

Did you know Scarlett Johansson is getting paid up to $20 Million per movie right now?  Hollywood have decided no other doe-eyed woman can emote slutty and vacuous all at once like Scarlett Johansson. And Scarlett Johansson may have just proved those sleazy old fucks right, because this weekend her starring role in Lucy has laid waste to Dwayne Johnson’s Hercules and will be the #1 film of the weekend. Lucy is on track to gross up to $44 Million this weekend though shitteous exit polling suggests it’s going to drop like a rock. But the fact that Scarlett Johansson just opened a movie over $20 Million, never mind $40 Million is surprising. I’d always pictured her as kind of a perfuctionary secondary character. Girlfriend, crew member, background noise. I guess I’m alone there. She’s playing in the Bullock/Jolie league of openings now. Lucy only cost $40 Million, so that shit is going to be hella profitable. Should be noted women have had a pretty phenomenal year at the box office, and a good decade on the whole. Maybe Hollywood is finally, finally paying attention. And So It Goes flopped hard this weekend grossing no more than $4.5 million. That movie that always looked like a steaming shit version of “Something’s Gotta Give” and I’m not sure how many more times Diane Keaton can act like Meryl Streep on crack before someone punches her in the neck. Calm down, Diane. Elsewhere, that Purge sequel keeps doing better than anyone expected despite a horrific second weekend drop-off, and Tammy looks to be closing in on around $90 Million for it’s final total. From DEADLINE 1). Lucy (UNI), 3,173 theaters / $15.4M to $17M Fri. / Total est. cume: $42.8M to $44.5M / Wk 1 2). Hercules (MGM/PAR), 3,595 theaters / $11M Fri. / Total est. cume: $28.3M...
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Those shitty Transformers movies are still making money.

  Call me crazy, because I am crazy. But call me stupid, because I thought that when the world saw what a piece of shit stain the second Transformers movie was compared to the first that they’d turn their backs on that racist, lewd, eye fucking piece of shit franchise in time for the third film to become a hot mess flop, especially since the porn performance of Megan Fox would be replaced by the excellent delivery in the role of Piece of Wood with Tits by Rosie Huntington-Whitely.   As with most things in life, I was fucking wrong!  The third Transformers movie made $1.13 Billion worldwide and became the biggest movie in the franchise. So of course Hollywood decided to remove Shia Labeouf from the equation before he asked for dat money and brought in everyone’s favourite film actor that no one would specifically go and pay to see Mark Whalberg. Somehow, the fact that basically everything that was present in the first film being completely non-present – and the fact that these movies are essentially 90 minutes of action blurs featuring indistinguishable robots fighting  doesn’t seem to have put anyone off as this shit is in line to open to over $93 Million at the US Box office this weekend. People are dumb bitches and so I can’t blame Hollywood for making dumb movies for these assholes. Elsewhere this weekend, How to Train Your Dragon 2 will continue to be the lacklustre performer it should have never been,  Jersey Boys is looking a flop mess,  Maleficient will cross $200 Million on it’s way to $220 Million aka way, way above expectations. St Angie’s horned up performance will ultimately score her a $600 Million global supersmash which will by far and wide be her crowning motion picture achievement.
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Nicki Minaj is a talented and versatile actress, so says Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj has already been stunt cast in a ten line role  been the sole reason that The Other Woman topped the box office this weekend and now she’s already setting her sights on other roles as she is the greatest new actress of the decade, who’s diversity and depth knows no bounds. Nicki told MTV News that she can totally handle the heavy demands of a walk-on film role now, so she’s going to be the new Sandra Bullock. ‘It gave me an idea as to what the world would be like being on a set and being on a trailer for hours. And now that I know it’s something I can do, I think I want to expand a role eventually’ But Nicki went on to say she wont take a role unless it’s ‘custom made for her’, so I’d assume when they give Jynx from Pokemon a movie then. Nicki went on to tell the world that she is super diverse, like Meryl Streep. and can basically do any kind of shit movie, be it a Will Ferrell movie, a black drama or basically replace Halle Berry as Storm. The thing is I have such a versatile personality. Some days I feel like I wanna do a Will Ferrell comedy; some days I feel like I wanna do more like a Set It Off-type of movie with some other young black actresses and like creating a movement with that.“And sometimes I think, maybe I could do X-Men or something.”      
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Hollywood shocked to learn women exist.

(Hollywood, CA.) Studio executives are reeling this weekend after the Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann lead comedy The Other Woman is on track to top the box-office with an opening weekend almost $10 Million higher than expected. Executives, who’s selective amnesia of the success of female lead comedies is certainly not limited to Bridesmaids, Mamma Mia!, 13 Going on 30, Sister Act,  9 to 5, Death Becomes Her, The Proposal, The Devil Wears Prada, Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, Two Weeks Notice,  Bad Teacher, Pitch Perfect, Juno, Mean Girls, The Heat, Frozen, and Gravity (because George Clooney as an astronaut, amirite?)  dropped their bags of cocaine this weekend in shock in realization that an entire other gender exists. Despite Hollywood’s concerted efforts to stop the production of a female lead comedy this summer, and then casting the incredibly talented thespian Nicki Minaj in order to presumably have the production sanctioned by local appropriateness laws, the film slipped through the net and went on to gross around $27 Million at the box office this weekend. ‘We really thought the mediocre marketing efforts we made along with the stunt casting of a talentless model in leading role instead of an actual actress  would have put people off, but I guess women will watch any old shit we feed em.” said one surprised exec. The film, which apparently makes men’s skin melt off, played well with women aged 18 to desperate-for-anything-that-acknowledges-their-existence, and despite piss poor reviews women attended en masse. Of course as with all successful films featuring women, the studio was sure to make the central focus about a man. ‘We were really unsure about letting a bunch of women get together and do things like act or think for themselves and knew that wouldn’t test well with the four people in the studio who make all...
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Bryan Singer accused of sexual abuse

So in ‘News I’d rather avoid with a ten foot barge pole so I’m going to leave it to someone else’ news, Hollywood director and mogul Bryan Singer has been accused of raping and sexually abusing a then-minor as part of a Hollywood drug and sex ring run by a convicted paedophile according to the Hollywood Reporter. The man could be innocent. The man could be guilty. Ultimately, the grand jury of blogs will decide, but this one in particular will not get involved with that mess until substantial damning evidence to support either side comes out. These legal cases are so fucking messy. On one hand you could have Singer levying his power and pointing the finger of fame-whore at the accuser either because its either true or because it’s his best and only defence, which is kind of exactly what is happening right now, and on the other hand you have Michael F. Egan , a man of no notable name trying to leverage publicity either for personal gain or to utilize so his case is heard against a Hollywood titan, which is also exactly what is happening right now. What the truth is? That’s anyone’s guess. What is clear though is that timing is suspiciously close to a new major movie release from Singer, though what is also clear is that as early as 2007 Radar Online documented Bryan Singer’s close ties with the head of the paedophile ring in question – Marc Collins-Rector, with many details of what happened in the Collins-Rector case mirroring the accusations now being levied against Singer. Easy enough to formulate a fake case if you’ve read the Radar article, but also easy enough to be one of the victims of Collins Rector and now have trouble having the world believe you because your up against a well-loved director. It...
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