Category Archives: Box Office Subscribe!

PEW PEW PEW! Star Wars makes more money than life.

So the new Star Wars movie hit cinemas this weekend to the sound of a thousand nerd boners exploding all at once. The good news for us is that everyone really loves JJ Abrams reinvention of the saga, which is all fine and well but pushes Alias fans further towards the crushing reality that a reunion is increasingly unlikely. And the good news for JJ Abrams’ wallet is that Star Wars: The Force Awakens made more in one weekend than the GDP of Dominica. Globally the flick shattered records and grossed $528.9 Million (sound of frustrated Disney executives wishing for an extra $1.1 Million), of which a record-smashing $247.9 Million came from North America. It also nailed a bunch of other records to the wall which you can read here. And with the Holiday period ahead, expect violent battles for Star Wars toys to be making the headlines as this movie continues to serve DOLLA REALNESS to the movie industry. A few months ago Jurrasic World shocked everyone by making insane amounts of money and Star Wars was always the only likely contender for those records.. Elsewhere in the box office charts, Sisters debuted to a solid $13.9 Million, priming the well-recieved comedy for a long run over the festive period. An end total north of $70 Million is likely. Oddly, despite shedding 1,000 engagements and many IMAX showings, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 had the best top 10 drop of the weekend in the face of Star Wars which is probably good news given the film now trails part one by $35 million. Still, the movie stands a chance of outgrossing Part One in global gross, ensuring the one-two hit serves up a total global grossing of $1.5 Billion, so I’m guessing the widely unpopular decision to split the third chapter...
Read More »

‘Mockingjay’ becomes 2014’s biggest film.

As we’ve already documented, Hollywood is full of greedy-ass executives who will do anything to make a dollar. This includes splitting the shortest and shittiest instalment of ‘The Hunger Games’ trilogy into a two parter. Despite that decisions leading to a cooler critical and audience response,  ‘Mockingjay – Part One’  had the odds stacked in it’s favour as it became 2014’s biggest movie today. With just shy of $332 Million in the bank, Mockingjay   snuck past ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy’ to become the top grossing film of the year. Given that ‘Catching Fire’ was last year’s biggest picture, the franchise stands a good chance of three-peating it’s reign if Mockingjay – Part Two can push over the $400 Million mark in 2015. Of course, these are only domestic gross figures. Internationally, 2014 was Frozen’s  to own. This year’s global chart will see Mockingjay end up as only the third or fourth largest pic of the year, depending on results from the upcoming key China release. Japan is unlikely to contribute much, but with a holiday release in its favour, the pic could gross up to $50 Million from China alone. Still, Disney is unlikely to be worried. Frozen continued to gross well into 2014 with multiple theatrical re-releases, a record-breaking run on DVD and a soundtrack that became the biggest music release of the year. They also knocked it out of the park with the perfectly marketed breakout Maleficient (sealing the deal for Angie as a screen icon) and Marvel proved its on-going value as a smart acquisition, delivering a double whammy of Captain America: Winter Soldier and Guardians of the Galaxy. As Big Hero 6 performed admirably and with Into the Woods still climbing, Disney has had another stellar year.
Read More »

Bradley Cooper made ALL the money this weekend.

Now that we know an Alias reunion is a possibility, let’s sell this shit to executives since Bradley Cooper is a bankable movie star now. I’m not sure if Bradley Cooper would ask for second billing but bitch you need to remember you are, and always will be Will Tippin. You’re Jennifer Garner’s backup bitch, so don’t get all Oscar nominee on me for this shit, we need you humble and willing to take off your shirt, Bradley. Humble is not what the box office gross for his new Oscar nommed pic “American Sniper”  was on Friday. Sniper blew all expectations out of the water with a huge $30.5 million Friday total – which broke a bunch of January records (read: all of them) and also blew director Clint Eastwood’s’ previous entire weekend records out of the water. The industry had expected a $50 Million four day bow for Sniper which has, in turn, duly jizzed money all over the industry’s face. The film ended up making over $105 Million over the four day weekend and $89 Million over the three day. That is, by a significant margin, January’s biggest release ever. This will come as welcome news to the movie studio executives who’d expressed concern during recent research which showed the huge dip in box office grosses is due to it being too fucking expensive, though 10% of polled audiences said “the taste of Harvey Weinstein’s sweaty balls in my soda” was a limiting factor for their attendance too. I’m happy not just for Bradley Cooper, but for that birds nest of vagina known as Sienna Miller, who also got top billing for the film. As much as you bitches are going to roll your eyes in my general direction, Sienna Miller is an underrated actress. She’s like the super less annoying...
Read More »

‘The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1’ opens softer than expected.

In tragic sob-worthy news, 2014 has become the year where Hollywood executives have been forced to trade in their blood-diamond encrusted jacuzzis to ones made from humble silver and aluminum, because people have finally had enough of paying eight hundred dollars to go and see a movie being constantly interrupted by twats with mobile phones. Box office grosses are significantly down year on year, and because Hollywood executives are largely a bunch of stupid fucks, the industry was pinning all of its hopes on “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part One” to make dat money. It has, of course, but not enough for those greedy anuses! The movie opened to $17 Million from midnight showings despite widespread snowstorms on the eastern seaboard and no I-MAX grosses to help boost the returns this time around. That’s right, literally millions of people went to watch this shit at midnight through a fucking snowstorm and yet Hollywood execs are running out into the street, throwing their hands in their air and screaming “WHYYYY, WHYYYY CRUEL WORLD??” because they expected that shit to do marginally better.  Mockingjay also is estimated to be grossing $55.5 Million on Friday for around $130 Million this weekend which is almost a quarter down from Catching Fire and even down from the original Hunger Games (both opened above $150 Million) and those bitches are confused as to why. So I thought I’d help them figure it out. Reason number one: and Reason Number two   Those bitches got greedy! Mockingjay still got decent reviews and is getting solid word of mouth, but it’s definitively tepid compared to Catching Fire, and the reason? Because they took the shortest, weakest book in the series and split it into two entire two hour movies to make more fucking money. I saw Mockingjay on Wednesday and that shit is...
Read More »

Guardians of the Galaxy is the biggest movie of the year

I have still to see Guardians of the Galaxy, but if the word of mouth is to be believed then my life will never be the same and I should cut off my testicles now because not even sex will compare to the awesomeness of this movie. As such it has now become the top-grossing movie of the year in America, beating out “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”  and it’s a dead-cert to cross $300 Million all in. Worldwide however, Guardians has some work to do. The superhero romp trails the billion-dollar grossing Transformers: Age of Extinction as well as Maleficent, X-Men, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and How to Train your Dragon 2. I have to give a slow hand clap to Disney and St Angie this year. Not only are Disney literally vomiting up Marvel money to then eat it up and shit it back out, but with the addition of Frozen’s international rollout and the huge overperformance of Maleficent as the second biggest film of the year worldwide, the Disney shareholders will be fapping into Maleficent branded cups as the tweak their icy money nipples. Another overperforming story at this years box-office is one which only genius and visionary Megan Fox foresaw, as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has not only opened well, but has actually developed impressive box office stamina as it lurches towards $200 Million. Disgustingly. Finally this weekend its worth mentioning that The Hundred Foot Journey has already passed a 4.0x multiplier after a month of release. This pic will definitely close north of $50 Million now as we predicted. I like saying “as we predicted” because not only do I get to be smug about being right, but I also get to pretend theres more than one of me, as If i had a conference about...
Read More »

Box Office: The Expendables 3 Flops hard

After Megan Fox foretold of box office history when a bunch of animated turds running around Megan Fox for two hours grossed more money than we will all see in our lifetimes, I had half expected her to come forth with her IMPORTANT PREMONITIONS for this weekend’s box office. Unfortunately it would appear Megan was too busy injecting vats of snake venom into her face as she didn’t give box office analysts jack shit. So without Megan’s otherworldly powers to guide them,  studio execs had to go by their own instincts, and those instincts were of course super fucking wrong. The Expendables 3 was expected to be the highest charting new release this weekend,  but it tanked hard and is looking at a launch behind other new release Let’s Be Cops for just $15.9 Million.  Lazy puns at how the Expendables have expired etc are well on their way from the fat fingers of weasley box office analysts across the land. As mentioned, Let’s Be Cops continues the summer tradition set by Transformers 4 and  last weekend’s TMNT  of absolute dross grossing more money than should be legally allowed. What surmounts to being New Girl in police uniforms without the slightly important ‘girl’ part was lambasted (I love that fucking word) by critics for sucking hard with a measly 11% on RT, but America don’t listen to no reviews. This means that shit show Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  is still the top film of the weekend and Megan Fox continues her reign of being the most successful film prop for another week. Elsewhere  Guardian’s of the Galaxy continue’s a robust performance towards being the top movie of the year having now grossed over $200 Million. The Giver was expected to be a sleeper hit this year, but then Katie Holmes joined the cast and we all know how that...
Read More »
Scroll To Top