Mariah Carey is here to rule your jewel encrusted phone.

Because Mimi has already replaced Whitney as “The New Whitney” and replaced the sun as “The New Star” it was only a matter of time before Mimi looked at who’s hot and happening right now to replace them like the iconic and timeless superstar that she is.

Because Kate Upton is totally “now” and really “in”, Mimi’s Sauron Butterfly Eye (Which exclusively focuses on ways to keep Mimi young and relevant) cast it’s gaze Kates way and decided that what’s hers had to be Mimi’s! None for you Kate Upton!  The games company could not resist the magical soothsaying that Mimi sent to them and decided to pay her a seven-figure sum to be the face of their game whilst Kate Upton was shuffled off back to whatever Sports Illustrated cover she came from.

Obviously this is a huge improvement on the Kate Upton ads. Industrial Light and Magic have worked really hard to make Mimi a realistic looking human being  and she looks great!

I mean this is a no-brainer. Mimi is leading an army of butterflies in the ad to destroy any haters and Eminem fans with a sea of glitter and extravagant candles? Sold!  Also, we have learned that Mimi runs like a Pokemon with IBS and it really is everything.

If you are wondering how a free app can afford to pay Mimi the billions of butterflies she demands for a commercial endorsement, then you should know that this “free” shit makes $1.5 Million a day  for the company which takes in $600 Million a year from it.

I can only assume this is down to people paying for stupid fortress upgrades or whatever the fuck it is that you have to pay to make this game go beyond a loading screen. Well whatever it is, some now very broke bitches got their haemorrhoids out about it on the Wikipedia page for the game which features the following:


Which proves the point that fappage = £££££££ forever.

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