Jon Gosselin is pissed about Kate+8 Revival
Jon Gosselin, also known to Ed Hardy as their ARCH NEMESIS, has been hiding away in the woods for a while drinking Coors Lights with some ho called Penny or something, who even cares, I can’t even.
Anyway Jon is not dead and he wants us all to know that he’s super mad about the Kate+8 Revival special. And by that I of course mean he’s supermad that TLC have been vigilant in using the hemmaroid creams that have effectively removed Jon Gosselin from their asses.
“I was heartbroken to learn my children are participating in yet another TV project, especially an ‘update’ special,” the reality star told E! News exclusively on Friday. “Even without a current television show, they still live a very public life. They’re still constantly in and out of the media; updates are given practically daily via social media.”
Which is interesting, because he was totally fine about his children participating in a TV project for five seasons over three years. But I guess drinking so much Coors Light has shown Jon the…erm, light?
Jon expressed his outrage toward TLC because the network “didn’t feel the situation warranted even a simple phone call to me….The special is to update people about their lives, Well, there are other people in their life besides their mother,” Which roughly translates to “I WANT MONEY TLC YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.”
Jon went on to parp (Parping, ive missed you from my vocabulary….you were so violently abused in Smash Hits magazines of my wild heady teenage days,) that he is “worried for them” as they “don’t need the added pressure of being in the public eye” and he still wants Kate will tell the cameras that sorry, because Jon isn’t getting a cheque, they need to turn around and go back to TLC.
Obviously Kate has been busy realizing that without her rabid possum weave her evil maleficient powers have been slipping. Kate is 100% dedicated to this “EVERYTHINGS FINE, WE’RE FINE, IM JENNIFER ANISTON.” gig and is laying it on thick to anyone who will listen.
Telling Us Weekly that the kids are “very excited” to be back in front of the cameras.
“They cheered like crazy,” the 38-year-old revealed to the magazine.” It was like I announced that it’s Christmas tomorrow. Our crew walked in and it was like they had never left.”
THIS BITCH. Kate has a long ass way to go if she thinks even the dumbest hicks of the TLC viewing audience are buying for a quick minute that four overweight camera operators and a jaunty ass producer sitting in your house all day long would get the same reception from a bunch of kids as Christmas. I have to give Kate an air high five though for her utter dedication to complete bullshit. Good job, Kate.