Jennifer Garner is perpetually pregnant.
It’s pretty fucking lucky that ALIAS ended when it did, because Jennifer Garner appeared to have been holding up four lifetimes of BEBE-MAKING to unleash an army attractive, strong-jawed offspring with Ben Affleck. No one wants to see Sydney Bristow in that lacy bra and panties with a giant baby bump. But here it is anyway.
Mariah Carey speed-dialing my number for mad good photoshop skills.
No surprise then that the MONTHSSSSS (gossip rag writers are seriously fucking boring people) of speculation about Jennifer Garner being knocked up again has come to an end after Jen announced to People that Yes! She is going to be fat for the better part of yet another year!
I personally love my Jennifer Garner to look like a whale, so I’m totally okay with this. In fact, Jennifer Garner could be clinically obese and i’d still walk away from a sausage stand for her.
Jen said the usual shit about how ‘thrilled’ she was to have another bebe and how her vagina is basically a rag flapping around in the wind now. Okay she didn’t say the last part, but she should have. Jennifer Garner will be a Duggar soon and her vagina is looking for a band aid and some sutures to DIY itself back to health.
In less happy news, this all appears to confirm a number of blind items about Jen and Ben which infer that he wants to leave her, and has cheated on her numerous times; something that she’s become fed up about and is ready to end the marriage over.