THE HOLY ONES WERE TOUCHED BY A PEON
If when you woke up this morning your coffee was cold, your tv was acting whack, your cat had shit all over your shoes and a swirling storm cloud raged outside – then don’t be alarmed, the gods are just really angry right now.
Saint Angie and her noble steed Brad Pitt were dressed up as goth versions of Bennifer 2 in Los Angeles for the premiere of Disney’s Angelina Jolie and through some miracle the protective force-field of Heavy Hispanics that surrounds them failed and a peon reporter called Vitalii Sediuk broke the holy vow humanity took when we were gifted St Angie and Brad by touching their skin.
Vitalii (who’s name sound like a Ukranian shampoo) is well known for pranking dat shit on celebrities.
He’s face-crotched Leonardo DiCaprio, got pushed off when he kissed Will Smith, crashed Adele at the Grammy’s, looked up Ugly Betty’s skirt at Cannes and is now in the chokey for punching Brad Pitt in the face. And was later seen accepting a package from Jennifer Aniston who cackled and disappeared into a flurry of green smoke.
Apparently the punch wasn’t that serious though as Brad went back to signing autographs and riding down the red carpet with St Angie on his back. Jennifer Aniston’s thousands of cats are said to be overjoyed at the development.