Hollywood shocked to learn women exist.

Hollywood shocked to learn women exist.

(Hollywood, CA.) Studio executives are reeling this weekend after the Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann lead comedy The Other Woman is on track to top the box-office with an opening weekend almost $10 Million higher than expected.

Executives, who’s selective amnesia of the success of female lead comedies is certainly not limited to Bridesmaids, Mamma Mia!, 13 Going on 30, Sister Act,  9 to 5, Death Becomes Her, The Proposal, The Devil Wears Prada, Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, Two Weeks Notice,  Bad Teacher, Pitch Perfect, Juno, Mean Girls, The Heat, Frozen, and Gravity (because George Clooney as an astronaut, amirite?)  dropped their bags of cocaine this weekend in shock in realization that an entire other gender exists.

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Despite Hollywood’s concerted efforts to stop the production of a female lead comedy this summer, and then casting the incredibly talented thespian Nicki Minaj in order to presumably have the production sanctioned by local appropriateness laws, the film slipped through the net and went on to gross around $27 Million at the box office this weekend.

‘We really thought the mediocre marketing efforts we made along with the stunt casting of a talentless model in leading role instead of an actual actress  would have put people off, but I guess women will watch any old shit we feed em.” said one surprised exec.

The film, which apparently makes men’s skin melt off, played well with women aged 18 to desperate-for-anything-that-acknowledges-their-existence, and despite piss poor reviews women attended en masse.

Of course as with all successful films featuring women, the studio was sure to make the central focus about a man.

‘We were really unsure about letting a bunch of women get together and do things like act or think for themselves and knew that wouldn’t test well with the four people in the studio who make all the choices, but thankfully by making the movie about a man, there was someone there to put the actresses in their place when they got too lippy, or got crazy and started demanding salary parity.’ according to a producer.

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‘I really like seeing Cameron Diaz playing the same character in every film for ten years. It really never gets old and shows me that Hollywood are really listening to the demands of the female audience.’ Said Sarah, 24 from Albuquerque.’I mean, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep and Cameron Diaz is all we really need to be honest’  she added.  ‘It’s so inspiring to see someone like Kate Upton, who’s character I could really relate to on a personal level’  chimed in two watermelons from Seattle.

Rank Title Friday
4/25

(Estimates)
1 THE OTHER WOMAN (2014) $9,300,000
2 CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER $4,492,000
3 HEAVEN IS FOR REAL $4,050,000
4 BRICK MANSIONS $3,590,000
5 RIO 2 $3,275,000
6 THE QUIET ONES $1,520,000
7 TRANSCENDENCE $1,250,000
8 BEARS $1,195,000
9 A HAUNTED HOUSE 2 $970,000
10 OCULUS $698,000

 

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