Hilary Duff is back with new music.

Remember Hilary Duff? I remember photoshopping Hilary Duff’s giant horse teefs onto a can of horse beans and animating it’s arms all in the name of HIGH HUMOUR for this website before. This fact reminds me how many hours of perfectly usable life I have wasted on entirely useless celebrities, and it feels great you guys.

Anywayyyy Hilary Duff is back from the grave of irrelevance (other residents: Jewel, Melissa Joan-Hart, Tia and Tamara) in order to give the public what we’ve all been waiting for, new music!

Of course, by “the public” I mean four very specific gay men who live in Ohio. Those four husky twinks are wearing their Metamorphosis Album tank tops tonight in celebration of the return of true pop diva/legend/person who can almost sing Hilary Duff.

Hilary has released her new summer jam “Chasing the Sun”  (Listen Here) which, if you don’t want to fall into a coma, sounds- and I can’t believe I’m about to write these words – like a shittier, less fun version of “Stars are Blind” by Parasite Hilton.

Yup, definitely going to hell now.

I just don’t understand why Hilary couldn’t come up with writing something more personal than this shitty Colbie Callait phone in. For example a song about Carrots and Sugarcubes. Carrots&Cubes could have been the hottest summer jam of the year.

Hilary Duff Horse Teeth from Gallery of the Absurd

I’m not going to lie. My life got a little less rich when Hilary Duff sawed her teeth back down to human size.

 

 

 

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