Here’s a used robots condom from 2001
If what you are looking from in a pop song is “autotune until it’s almost unbearable” and a distinct lack of melody or lyrics, then you’re in luck – because everyone’s least favourite suppository from 2001 is back with her new smash flop “Come Alive”.
In the video, Paris Hilton copy and pastes Mariah Carey’s unicorn and candy-floss cloud dreams directly onto the screen and instead of the glorious photoshopped Mimi communicating with dolphins, we instead have the hangover that we thought Kim Kardashian was brought on earth to erase by that dark sided magic spell.
Paris gives such insightful observations on culture and society as
Living a dream
Love is my addiction
I don’t care what they say
This life I’m gonna live it
My life can get so crazy
Oh yeah oh oh
Our life is so amazing
It’s like forever
Only time will tell
How I feel about you
Which is really making me think at this stage that Tracey Chapman, Joni Mitchell, and Bob Dylan must have had a real fucking overnight session to get this one out of the door in time for Paris to record it.
Paris’ last single ‘Good Time’ went triple CASH4GOLD and as such it only makes sense that her label were keen to release this. What makes me confused and hurt inside as a human being more than anything else is that delusional music critics on the internet continuously shower us with such ridiculousness as suggesting that this latent teabag of a pop record could ever be passably considered a “hit” if it were recorded by another artist. This could be recorded by the ghost of Michael Jackson in a romantic duet with the ghost of John Lennon featuring a rap interlude by the Ghost of Princess Diana and it would still probably only go Soviet Russian Red in three countries.