So here’s Rihanna with her knickers off then.
Did you wake up today and say “I really want to see pictures of a greasy shirtless dude taking pictures of Rihanna with her nipple falling out of her top and her naked arse stuck in the air like shes pushing out a big fart” ??? If so, then you likely tick a different box on official forms than I do.
Nonetheless – I do appreciate Rihanna’s dedication to ho-tricking her way into public conciousness year after year before going on lazy tour after lazy tour and being really committed to not being able to sell a single album. I sort of suspect that Rihanna did a deal with Rumpelstiltskin on Once Upon a Time and he gave her Umbrella, but because all magic has a caveat he told her she’d never sell an album or a tour ticket.
Anyway, if you’d like to see those trick pictures then you’ll have to view them at TMZ where those ass-holes have enough money to pay the £1,000 per-fucking-picture fee to show a full series of 70 (£70k) worth of grody, grainy ass paparazzi pictures. I wont be paying that shit because its basic and its Rihanna. If it was Britney, i might pay for one. ONE. At reduced rate.
The best part about this photo series is seeing Rihanna holding a black towel against her body after the shoot, as if somehow, she still has a shred of dignity to protect. There’s nothing more dignified than having just allowed a team of strange men prod and preen your naked body as you stick your chulo up in the air to give your meatflaps a little sniff of that LA Breeze.
I’d assume we can expect an acoustic album about social change from Rihanna in the coming months then.