Here’s Christina Aguilera’s pancake face and tits.

Because it’s a slow news day, that crafty bitch Christina Aguilera employed her “Lack of relevant stars” radar and realized there was an opportunity to make the world stand up and take notice. So she debuted her “post baby body” and new boytoy named Matt Rutler in the subtle, demure way that only Christina Aguilera can.

With more makeup than is produced annually by most countries on and a red dress so bright that it could be seen from Essex.

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Image: Getty Images

Christina looks good in a drag queen chic sort of way. I mean she loves those Morticia Adams brows, she loves her “found in a slot machine” rings, and that red dress is clearly a markdown from TK Maxx, but Christina Aguilera is still working those red lips.   I mean her music is terrible and she is a shit judge on The Voice, but girlfriend can rock the red lips. I guess what I’m saying is that Christina Aguilera could make a solid prostitute if she promised never to throw in a song after a blowie.  Still, I prefered her with this look.

 

 

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