Fergie, Duchess of Pee slays at American Music Awards
So the Kinder Delight version of the Grammy’s happened this week and we were subjected to warm up performances from the likes of Taylor Swift playing “Crazy Girlfriend, Taylor Swift” in a performance with vocals so shaky that I honestly thought they were having an earthquake.
There was ever after high doll come to life Lorde who did her really boring Hunger Games song from inside a box, because shes -arty- and because bitch sold out to Lionsgate. Then there was Selena Gomez who sung a song about Justin Bieber in front of a giant crying eye, which is funny because that giant eye served up the emotional response all of us have when we are forced to confront the reality that is Justin Bieber.
But all of those hot, young relevant bitches felt the shade cast by Fergie, Duchess of the Urinal. Fergie brought that wreck of a song LA Love to the stage and actually made you realize that both
A. Fergie is a really great performer and
B. Fergie’s songs are still better than almost anything else out right now.
So Fergie kind of nailed it. A giant big magic mushroom of a bus – CHECK! the only singer of the night who didn’t sound like she borrowed vocals from a pile of The Voice rejects – CHECK and a body that is killing it for a woman of her age – CHECK CHECK CHECK. The only thing that was really missing to make this performance a legendary AMA one to be remembered was Fergie falling into a bath of pee at the end. No Fergie performance is truly slaying without a little of the yellow nectar.
What Fergie DID bring though (other than her annual supply of botox in its entirety) was this glamorous wardrobe malfunction in which her top got caught in her fanny area. That overgarment was like. “HEY FERGIE’S VAGINA, WHERES ALL THE PEE AT” and she was like “Not today, overgarment”
Heres some pictures of the Queen of my heart and of several urine fetishist web forums at the AMA red carpet with her botox filled permanent surgery face. We love you, Fergie.