Christina Aguilera is an innocent victim of fame.
Christina Aguilera obviously isn’t aware of what a PR is, because she’s given two fat fucks about all of the negative press she’s had during her time on The Voice. Instead of using it as a platform to relaunch her pop career, Christina has decided to just sit down next to the craft table and stock up on the Kentucky whilst throwing shade at boybands. Christina should definitely rest assured that there’s probably a role as another matriarch for her on Revenge should she ever quit The Voice.
The latest in the Outing of Christina’s Cuntery (A long and twisting saga chronicling how Christina Aguilera is basically the worst) is that she’s ignoring her family’s pleas for her to visit her ill and ageing grandparents who are in their late 80s and are desperate to meet their great grandchild.
Christina’s grandparents are obviously just total fame leaches, I mean, think of all the things they could do on their deathbeds with the exposure from reuniting with Christina. They could do People magazine pictorials of Christina sitting with them in a hospital. They could do a Diane Sawyer interview from their wheelchairs in a hospital corridor. They could tweet pictures with countdowns until their livers collapse. Such tricky bastards! Poor Christina must be exhausted with her trash family always trying to reach out to cash in on her. She’s just a victim in all this, I wish her family would let her be to eat and get hammered.
Without Christina Aguilera, there is no unifying figure that The Voice crew can come together to hate. Wait, Adam Levine is on that show right? Never mind. Not a problem, off to the old folks visiting hour Christina – take a game of battleship!