You may have heard that working with Nicole Kidman is kind of like working with a big block of ice and that working with Jennifer Lopez is as much fun as sawing your dick off with a rusty knife, but did you know that Charlize Theron also has an impressive repertoire of rumours about her being a giant raging asshole?
Well reputable source for anyone born in the 80s known as Tia Mowry from Sister Sister mentioned that when she was at the Hollywood concentration camp known as SoulCycle a few weeks ago she said “Hi” to Charlize and Charlize basically showed everyone why there was no other choice in the casting process for the evil queen in Snow White and the Hunt for KStew’s Acting Abilities. Tia said that Charlize served her a mocha frappe of ice cold cunt.
Apparently, Charlize took one look at her, obviously forgot that Tia Mowry is a LEGEND and rolled her eyes groaning “Oh GOD” to her best friend and personal confidante InTouch Weekly.
Since then, Charlize naturally took the news well, and spent some time reflecting over how she can be a better person in a buddhist retreat for a few weeks.
Except of course that didn’t happen. Charlize instead went to the managers of SoulCycle and pulled some “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM????” shit. Charlize demanded the managers bump Tia out of SoulCycle and they were for none of it.
“Charlize came in so pissed off after Tia went to the tabloids about her, and she demanded we bar Tia from ever coming back,” a SoulCycle insider revealed. When the manager refused, Charlize just got angrier and said she’d go to the top to make it happen.”
The source claims the Oscar winner also said, “This nobody who was famous for a minute 20 years ago can complain to the tabloids about me but I can’t expect you to protect me from hangers on your studio?”
I’m pretty sure Charlize Theron should get a humanitarian award from trying to get Tia Mowry out of SoulCycle, because no one deserves to go through the hell that is SoulCycle. SoulCycle made Mimi deaf, so really Charlize is trying to protect the talents of Tia Mowry from falling victim to the dangers of SoulCycle. So noble, so gentle.
Charlize probably got confused when she said that Tia Mowry was only famous a minute 20 years ago, because Sister Sister is the most culturally important show of the past fourty years and Charlize was totally jelly that she wasn’t cast as both of the twins because after all, Charlize Theron is the greatest actress of ALL TIME!!!!!!! Apart from all the other actresses in Hollywood obviously.
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
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