The Lidl version of Rihanna (who in herself is at best an ASDA version of Beyonce) known as Rita Ora has recently been mouthing off about how upset she was that her ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris stopped her from performing the song he wrote and produced for her.
Rita was due to perform “I Will Never Let you Down” at the esteemed event for all huge iconic music moments known as the Teen Choice Awards this year, but instead she sung “I Will Definitely Actually Be Letting You Down” to herself in her seat and didn’t perform shit as she watched Ariana Grande’s bobblehead jiggle around the stage.
According to Rita, Calvin said “No thanks” to the producers when they asked for his approval to have the song performed.
“I was supposed to perform, and for anyone that doesn’t understand how it works, he wrote and produced the song — I mean, he’s an incredible songwriter, never going to disregard his talents, he’s incredible,” Rita said. “So [Harris] has to approve anything TV-wise, for anybody that doesn’t get it…so he has to approve the rights to [use the song] and he didn’t approve the Teen Choice Awards.”
Of course, when asked if she was upset Rita admitted that she was upset not for her billboard positions, but rather for her ‘fans’.
“Yeah, I’m not gong to lie, but not for my own selfish reasons, but for my fans…Because the show was going to be awesome…[but] everything happens for a reason, that’s how I look at it.”
Calvin didn’t heed the warnings of Rob Kardashian (!) who told everyone that Rita Ora has a vagina that accepts all potential platinum records as payment for bare-peen entry, and so decided to hit it with Rita for a while. I guess Calvin is kind of one of those “If everyone else is doing it” sort of guys. Anyway those ho’s split up after a few months.
So as Rita went to the press with her side of the story, Calvin Harris did the distinguished, gentlemanly thing by keeping quiet and holding his side of the story close to his heart.
Bitch please! This is 2014! Of course Calvin went on Twitter and ratted Rita out!
He did that annoying thing where he first insisted that he won’t go into details (because he’s the good guy!) but then goes on to heavily imply that Rita totally deserved it, kinda like when your friends on Facebook say “I don’t want to get into details because im better than that, but you KNOW what YOU did.”
I mean, let’s not forget that Calvin Harris is also the walking male poster child for MAC cosmetics, St Tropez fake tan, an army of gay hairdressers and at least three personal trainers because he went from looking like this to this..
Calvin Harris is literally an infomercial human person, let’s not automatically trust a man who might have had some sort of Face/Off transplant just because Rita Whora has a snatch that is now trialing Amazon Drone Delivery service. Don’t let Rita’s impressively hard-working vagina skew your opinion of this EXTREMELY important A++++ list celebrity relationship drama.
We may never, ever know the truth about what went on.*
*We will definitely know every inch of the truth via publicist leaks within the next 3-6 months.
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
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