Now that we know an Alias reunion is a possibility, let’s sell this shit to executives since Bradley Cooper is a bankable movie star now. I’m not sure if Bradley Cooper would ask for second billing but bitch you need to remember you are, and always will be Will Tippin. You’re Jennifer Garner’s backup bitch, so don’t get all Oscar nominee on me for this shit, we need you humble and willing to take off your shirt, Bradley.
Humble is not what the box office gross for his new Oscar nommed pic “American Sniper” was on Friday. Sniper blew all expectations out of the water with a huge $30.5 million Friday total – which broke a bunch of January records (read: all of them) and also blew director Clint Eastwood’s’ previous entire weekend records out of the water.
The industry had expected a $50 Million four day bow for Sniper which has, in turn, duly jizzed money all over the industry’s face. The film ended up making over $105 Million over the four day weekend and $89 Million over the three day. That is, by a significant margin, January’s biggest release ever.
This will come as welcome news to the movie studio executives who’d expressed concern during recent research which showed the huge dip in box office grosses is due to it being too fucking expensive, though 10% of polled audiences said “the taste of Harvey Weinstein’s sweaty balls in my soda” was a limiting factor for their attendance too.
I’m happy not just for Bradley Cooper, but for that birds nest of vagina known as Sienna Miller, who also got top billing for the film. As much as you bitches are going to roll your eyes in my general direction, Sienna Miller is an underrated actress. She’s like the super less annoying and infinitely less frigid cousin of Gwyneth Paltrow to me.
Elsewhere in the box office chaattttts, noted not gay person(don’t worry son, we don’t want you)Kevin Hart scored another hit, with his new piece of shit The Wedding Ringer which is due to make around $20 Million over the three day weekend.
According to critics, Paddington is the best film of 2014 tied with Boyhood, so that tiny adorable little mess is going to be hovering around $20 Million for the weekend too. When i saw the trailer for Paddington and saw Nicole Kidman’s campy ass frostface and hair I thought this shit was going to be a grade A trainwreck, but I guess Nicole wanted to try something fresh by not starring in an utterly appalling waste of celluloid for once. Well played, Nicole – it’s been a while. But if they are going to make movies about messy bears who can’t keep their shit together and like to wear latex hats, then when are they going to do a film about John Travolta?
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