Beyonce got hers and got OUT.

Beyonce’s past three years have basically been spent with her outside the White House door with cookies offering a massage to Obama with the knowledge that IF he gets re-elected, there’s going to be another strong black woman needed to SING SING SING the shit out of the Star Spangled Banner and undershadow the glamour that was Aretha Franklin. After sabotaging Christina at the Superbowl, Beyonce would laugh manically at the end of every rehearsal she’d do every night to her mirror to her own star spangled banner and whisper “Soon, my precious” before she’d go to bed.

Well at the Inauguration Ceremony, ALL OF HER DREAMS CAME TRUE and her plan went PERFECTLY as Beyonce did SANG SANG SANG the song out of the park and then steered it gently back in again before throwing it a towel and some change for a cab. The only thing missing from this performance was Beyonce extending her angel wings and being given the Archangel crown before ascending back to heaven.

She mercifully didn’t go through every vocal run ever (XTINA SIDE-EYING) but the very best part was at the end when Obama went in for his Marilyn moment and expected Beyowulf to give him a double cheek kiss, but that bitch threw her mic at the nearest peon, shafted Obama’s second kiss and shouted “CAB PLEASE” because she’s got a Royal Baby Party to start rehearsing for and DON’T HAVE TIME FO THIS.

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