Beyonce cries very real tears.

Beyonce cries very real tears.

A little story about Beyonce.
I went to see her ass perform live at the I Am Sasha Gimmick tour, because im a gay man and I will entertain this foolery, and that bitch literally turned tears on and off like an emotional water mains. After I saw her perform “Halo” live and cry cry cry as a giant fucking ridiculous angel puts his wings around her I decided to go online and re-visit that ridiculous and awesome moment, and sho’nuff, Beyonce was CRY CRY CRYING her eyes out in like every single fucking video of Halo I could find performed live anywhere at almost exactly the same moment.

I know we all joke about Britney Spears being replaced with a robot and having ten quarters put in her back every night before shes shuffled out onto a Vegas stage, but shit, I am almost 100% sure Beyonce has been replaced by a giant automated tap.

At last nights closer of the Mrs Carter tour, Beyonce took a little moment at the end to soak up her minions falling over themselves to bathe in the light of Beyonce. Here’s how that went down.

In the video Beyonce claims shes sooooo lucky to have amazing fans and have such a wonderful fucking life because people will pay $800 dollars to see her shake her lamb chops. Beyonce’s “I am only who I am because of you” just makes you kind of realize that Beyonce thinks of herself as Maya Angelou come Nelson Mandela.

Anyway, once Beyonce started crying in gratitude and opening her giant arms out like she was Jesus (she is though, right?) she dedicated her song to the fans.

I would like Beyonce to dedicate the next song she performs to those poor assholes from Destinys Child whos lives she RUINED. Do you know what being in the shadow of Beyonce does to a life?

Solange Knowles

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