Author Archives: Deli Llama

About Deli Llama

Website editor. TV bod. Trying not to eat for 24 hours to see if I lose 60 lbs. Founder and lead writer for LA-DELI.COM

South African TV aint messing around!

So after Kayley Cuoco, Jim Parsons and Johnny Galecki walked up to CBS and grabbed their balls and squeezed and squeezed until they crapped out a giant pile of money, actors all over the world decided that they too were underpaid for emoting! Except because not TV industries are built by executives who douche with 24 carat gold enemas, things aren’t going so great. The 16 member cast of soap opera Generations in South Africa were on strike with their employers SABC because those bitches said they wanted more money and that SABC were being tighter than Lindsay Lohan when she’s asked to pay her hotel bills. Well, those bitches were right! Executive producer  Mfundi Vundla (Sidenote: Master Villain’s name, amirite?) told the cast of Generations to bite him in the bagina because he pink-slipped each and every one of those bitches! The BBC reports The show’s 16 actors, watched nightly on state broadcaster SABC, were fired after resisting calls to return to work at studios in Johannesburg. The programme will continue to air until October, while producers have indicated new actors will be recruited. Mfundi Vundla said of the firing “There were other actors before, there will be other actors in the future,”he told Talk Radio 702. “Generations will go on, it doesn’t mean the demise of the series.” “We’ve been engaging with them since October last year,” said Mr Vundla, who added the cast had been asked to continue recording the show while negotiations continued but had not returned to work. “That’s it, it’s finished, it’s a termination,” he added. Mfundi is not Mfucking around or Mfunding any fancy actor salaries! He pointed out that the Generations cast have 12 of the top 15 paid actors in South Africa, but the cast of Generations pointed out that being “Top 15 Paid Actor” in South Africa...
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Boots and Pants and Boots and Pants! BOOTSANDPANTS!

Life never has enough local mall commercials. East Hills Mall wanted to create a flashy, exciting, high quality video to promote some of the mall’s elegant luxury brand residents such as OFF BROADWAY SHOES, and RUE 21, and what better way to do that than with an extravagant, serious production value rap video that might have been created by Timbalake* himself? NEW SHOOESSSSS…. DENIMMMMMMMMM……. The Backpacks girl is SERIOUS about backpacks. She wakes up in the morning knowing she is going to eat, breathe and sleep BACKPACKS! When she reaches for some sexual pleasure under her bed, shes really reaching to rub a BACKPACK against her down-below parts. All i know is that I want to get a haircut from the elegant husky queen scene stealer at MasterCuts before shamwowing my gorgeous ass down to buy some BOOTS AND PANTS AND BOOTS AND PANTS from the super chic dude at American Eagle Outfitters which probably saw its profit drop 70% because they keep selling out of boots and pants with their uber astute salespeople. *Timbalake may or may not be the offbrand fourth cousin of Timbaland
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Ben Affleck doing the ice bucket challenge.

Okay so there’s only so many more ice bucket challenge videos I can post before this blog becomes “ICE BUCKET CHALLENGES BLOG” so i’m going to keep that shit in check, but here’s a cute video of Buttchin Batman tackling Jennifer Garner after she chucks a bucket of ice over his head. This family is everything.  
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Rita Ora isn’t here for Calvin Harris questions.

The most important breakup in SUPER SUPER A-LIST celebrity history known as Rita Whora and Calvin Harris has added another super dramatic chapter to it’s books today. Rita was at the launching of a new DKNY fragrance (read: turning up at the drop of a hat) and was being interviewed by the Associated Press when things took a turn for the “NOT HERE FOR THIS.” The interviewer was casually asking Rita such hardball questions as “What do you love about performing?” before he threw her a line with the nice soft question of  “WHY DOES CALVIN HARRIS HATE YOUR WHORA ASS?” . Rita handled that like a pro, and by a pro I mean like Mariah Carey or Naomi Campbell when her publicist jumped in and said “NOT HERE FOR THIS” as she sashayed off into the crowd to find someone else to interview her. I am not an expert on relationships, but I get the feeling this means Rita Ora and Calvin Harris wont be reconciling? How will i go on without posters of this power-couple of music to slap all over my walls and/or use to pack things when moving house?
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Nicki Minaj has a video for Anaconda she’d like you to jizz over.

Nicki Minaj took a break from letting Iggy Azalea snatch her career away to release a new music video for Anaconda and that shit is a predictable mess of jungle references, twerking, wall-to-wall arse and Nicki Minaj giving Drake a lapdance. The Anaconda video is what would Katy Perry’s Roar video would be if it hooked up with a stripper. That shit is an abortion of colours and stuttering, but Nicki’s face is surprisingly not looking like its been possessed by every demon in the hemisphere. Anaconda sounds like its been sung by a baby prostitute from inside a shoe, because that audio quality is super shit. I dont think Nicki is all that concerned by the audio on this mess though given she spends most of the video rubbing her naglas against her backing dancers and giving angry blowjobs to a banana. If you wanted to know how low a ho can go to sell a CD, then Nicki Minaj and Rihanna will happily duet to teach you this. The last minute of this song is literally Nicki Minaj just making noises and giggling and saying “bitch” a lot and also hating on thin people. The take away from this video i think we are all supposed to have is that Nicki Minaj has a big fat ass and would like to take calls regarding a porn career.
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Britney Spears doing the ice bucket challenge is the best.

So after I saw Oprah doing this ALS Ice Bucket challenge thing, I thought no other celebrity would be able to top the HIGH ART COMEDY that was provided. Seeing Oprah have Gayle fling a bucket of ice cold water on her ass was kind of like realizing that gods also feel heat and cold. But trust The Queen of The Frapps to deliver an even finer moment  in the niche category of  ‘Celebrities getting icy-ass water thrown all over them’. I hope Oprah doesn’t come for me for saying that tonight when Im sleeping. I lock the cupboards at night and check under the beds just incase. In an amazing turn of events, Brit Brit’s circuitry didn’t explode when she had water thrown all over her, but her sunglasses do get knocked off and she gives her fifty shades of  “me whenever my alarm goes off” Given that her body is made up of 40% crushed ice I kind of thought Brit’s body temperature would  have been regulated to somewhere between ‘Alaska‘ and ‘Nicole Kidman’ on the thermometer and this wouldn’t have been a problem for her. I mean, it’s not like Brit hasn’t had to deal with extreme frostiness in the past…   But only Brit Brit would walk away from the heated swimming pool behind her after having a bucket of ice thrown all over her. In fairness, she’s probably wondering off looking for some caramel syrup and whipped cream to put on her head so she can start licking herself.    
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