Ever since Frankie Grande has been dropping deluded bomb after deluded bomb about how hes the most famous stahhhh in the world on Big Brother,Ariana Grande has been doing pretty sterling work to make her ass seem even more conceited and awful than her troll brother because they are part of the much lauded Grande dynasty dontyouknowthankyouverymuch.
Back when Ariana was on Victorius with Victoria Justice, everyone assumed Victoria Justice was a secret NIGHTMARE because Ariana Grande hated her and Ariana Grande looks like the cutest of all the Pokemon (aside from Squirtle) and so she couldn’t possibly be lying!!
Unfortunately Victoria Justice looks like she’s smoking the remnants of a failed pop career at the hands of an evil genius, because story after story keeps dropping of Ariana Grande being the little baby that Maleficent always wanted. In fact, girlfriend has done such a great job of treating everyone so super well that Buzzfeed even have a timeline of her being the nicest popstar of all time.
Ariana was first quoted saying she hopes her fans DROP DEAD and then told the world that it was so mean for the media to misquote her saying things like that, because what she really said was she wanted them all to DIE IN A THOUSAND BURNING HELLFIRES.
Ariana, of course, vehemently denied that shes the Regina George of pop, which is just as well because Jessie J wouldn’t take kindly to being usurped by Gretchen Weiners.
Now it has emerged that Ariana’s very own life coach (!??) and/or choreographer quit her lovely and precious ass months ago because Ariana Grande isn’t so much the delicious festive Starbucks gingerbread delight you might think, but rather she’s more like having a cup of cyanide after a toddler has pissed in it and then laced it with ricin.
Page Six reports the source as having confirmed Ariana is the Justin Bieber of the female world and went on to spill MOAR juicy details about her weave and her weird dimple.
“He just couldn’t take it anymore,” says the insider. “Everything people are saying about her is true.” The source confirms, “She’ll only be photographed from the left side, in a certain light. She’s rude to her fans. She was so obsessed with her hair that she had it dyed every three days, and the big ponytail is fake.” The source adds, “She acts like a child and constantly needs people to coddle her.”
Naturally Ariana Grande hopped on the device that all of Satan’s spawn use to communicate called Twitter, and she chucked out another denial (which I’m assuming at this stage is simply created by a random generation program fuelled by the F5 key)
sooner or later ppl will realize that what u put out is what u get back. the lies/hate etc. give love & I promise life will treat u better
LA Deli is a satire/comedy column. We put a humorous spin on reported news, rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information, the veracity of which cannot be guaranteed.
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