Angelina Jolie is really going for this evil Mary Poppins thing
In case you’ve not been dedicating your every waking hour to reading entertainment industry rags which spin boring production stories into dramatic and exciting tales, then first of all, call me and let me know what a life feels like, and second of all , you should probably know that Angelina Jolie recently took on the horns of Disney’s greatest bitch Maleficent.
Hollywood has kindly appreciated Angelina’s inherent evil ability to ruin Jennifer Aniston’s life by awarding her a lot more money and much better roles than Jennifer Aniston on a consistent basis, and since Angelina Jolie was ze biggest stahhh in dah wurld! until Sandra Bullock decided to stop being terrible, it totally seemed like a great idea to cast her as Maleficent at the time. I will admit when i heard this casting news I nodded and said “Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with this decision making process” but now ive seen the trailer for this shit and I’m suddenly I’m feeling like Ross when he was at the alter with Emily when he really wanted Rachel.
As you can see Angie is really giving it her all in the trailer. And by giving it her all I mean looking over her shoulder all evil-like four or five times and laughing like she’s just seen Jennifer Aniston’s People magazine wedding shoot to the guy who isn’t Brad Pitt (Read: With great glee and malice).
The trailer also stars Lana Del Rey singing a lot like how I feel when I listen to a Lana Del Ray album – i.e. nearly comatose and entirely despondent.
They really cut her down a lot in this trailer, probably because the other trailer they cut kind of looks like Alice in Wonderland but with the CGI budget of Revenge. But more likely because Angelina Jolie as Maleficent sounds a lot like Mary Poppins on her period.That’s probably exactly what this is, Mary Poppins floats off into the sky, has her period, and this is what happens when she lands.
For that artistic interpretation of this Disney classic alone, I SHALL GO TO THE BALL. Though i’ll probably get more pricks than Sleeping Beauty IFUKNOWHATIMEAN.